


Longing for impossible things

by oddlyfamiliar



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Boss/Employee Relationship, Cunnilingus, Drama, F/M, Fingerfucking, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, Humor, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Office Sex, Pregnancy, Romance, Season 3, Secret Relationship, Slow Build, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Sexual Tension, season 4, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:42:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6932716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddlyfamiliar/pseuds/oddlyfamiliar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?</i>
</p><p>AU from 3x11 to 4x11, in which Hotch and JJ fall in love but fail to communicate that to each other, and subsequently almost mess everything up.</p><p>
  <i>Winner of Best Fic at the <a href="http://jotch.tumblr.com/post/148012878587/summertime-jotch-community-awards-winners">Summertime Jotch Community Awards 2016</a><i></i></i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is Fernando Pessoa. Summary quote is from James Patterson’s _The Angel Experiment_.
> 
> I owe a _huge_ debt of gratitude to [lilygarlands](http://lilygarlands.tumblr.com/), [brakespeareny](http://brakespeareny.tumblr.com/), and [thetraitorthatmended](http://thetraitorthatmended.tumblr.com/). They each helped me fix so many things, and I’m eternally grateful to them. Any remaining mistakes are all my own.
> 
> (Don't worry, this isn't a WIP. The entire thing has been written, but I'll be posting one chapter at a time. I haven't fully decided on a posting schedule yet, but I'm thinking it'll be somewhere between a few days and a week before chapter 2 goes up!)

**CHAPTER 1**

Aaron glances down at the divorce papers in his hand and hesitates for a second before answering Prentiss. “Haley’s filing for divorce; I’ve been served.” He turns on his heel and walks quickly to the elevator, wanting to escape from the shocked expressions he’s sure are on his team’s faces.

“Hey Hotch, wait up,” Dave rushes to catch up with Aaron as he gets into the elevator, sliding smoothly between the doors just before they close. “Are you okay?”

Aaron looks back down at the papers in his hand and has utterly no idea how to answer that question. “I knew this was coming; that Haley was going to ask for a divorce.”

“That’s an answer to a question, but not the one I asked,” Dave quirks a half-smile at him and turns to stand by Aaron’s side, waiting patiently for an answer. 

“I’m… okay. Not good, but I’ll survive,” Aaron admits finally, looking up at the lights blinking as they make their way down to the parking garage. “We’ve been moving away from each other for longer than I really wanted to realize,” he gestures with the stack of papers in his hand, “this is just the final nail.”

Dave nods in understanding, and Aaron figures that with the amount of divorces he has under his belt, Dave might just be one of the few to get how he’s feeling right now. “C’mon Aaron, you’re gonna get some drinks with the team tonight. You shouldn’t be on your own; trust me on that one.”

“I’m really not going to be great company tonight Dave, maybe another time.”

Dave just huffs out a laugh and turns to him. “I wasn’t giving you a choice.” 

\---&\---

It’s entirely possible that Aaron has had slightly too much to drink. He’s not _drunk_ , but he is definitely not fully sober anymore. Begrudgingly, he has to admit that Dave was probably right to drag him out with the team. At least when he’s with them he’s surrounded by people he genuinely considers to be his friends, maybe even his family, instead of sitting home alone, drinking by himself. He’s glad that they managed to convince JJ to join everyone as well; if anyone else could do with some support after the last few days, it’s definitely her.

“C’mon pretty boy, you can catch a cab with me,” Morgan talks over everyone else as they’re standing outside the bar all trying, and failing, to arrange how to get back to their respective homes after having a few too many drinks to reasonably be able to drive their own vehicles. “You too, baby girl. We’re all in the same general direction.” He drapes his arms across both Reid and Garcia, as though daring anyone else to try to take them away from him.

“In that case, I may as well team up with Emily,” Dave grins at her before turning to waggle his eyebrows at JJ. “You’re on our way, you wanna jump in with us?”

JJ laughs at his over-the-top attempt at flirting and gestures down the street behind her. “I’m just gonna walk, it’s only a few blocks back to mine. It’ll help me clear my head.”

“Okay then, although I’m not used to being turned down by beautiful ladies,” Dave winks at her, and it’s probably thanks to how relaxed the alcohol has made him that Aaron doesn’t frown at him. He knows Dave likes to jokingly flirt with almost every woman in his life, although privately Aaron sometimes wonders how much of it is joking, but it’s always irritated him when it’s aimed at JJ. Obviously she can take care of herself, but he’s always felt particularly protective of her, especially given that Dave had barely been back at the BAU for two minutes before he’d been trying to hit on her.

Prentiss turns to him. “Hotch, who do you wanna jump in with?”

“Actually I think I’ll probably be okay to drive soon. I’ll make sure JJ gets home safe, and by the time I get back here I should be good. Thanks, though.” He raises his eyebrows slightly at JJ to make sure she’s okay with that, and her smile seems to indicate that she’s not about to start berating him for thinking she can’t walk home alone safely.

The rest of the team scatters to find available cabs, while Aaron turns to JJ and gestures for her to lead the way to her apartment. They walk mostly in silence, but it’s not an uncomfortable one. He’s spent a lot of time, usually late at night, working side-by-side with JJ, trying to make their way through the piles of paperwork on their desks. Sometimes they’ll go for hours before either speaks, but it’s never felt awkward.

It’s a little cool out, and he realizes that JJ isn’t wearing a jacket at about the same time she starts to rub her hands up her arms to try to warm herself up. “Do you want my jacket?” he asks, already moving to take it off.

“No, no, I’m fine Hotch, honestly,” she says, but before he can protest and tell her that he’s not going to let her freeze, a group of loud and clearly drunk guys spill out onto the sidewalk from the bar they’re passing. 

JJ has to step to the side quickly to avoid being knocked over, and Aaron immediately brings an arm up to wrap around her shoulders, partly to steady her and partly to help draw her away from the closest guy who seems to be watching her a little too intently.

They carry on walking like that together for a few steps, just until they’re out of sight, and then Aaron feels JJ tense as though she’s going to move away. “You may as well steal some of my body heat, JJ. I think Garcia would kill me if I let you freeze to death.”

She laughs, but nods her okay and wraps her arm around his waist, under his jacket, and leans into his warmth. It’s surprisingly easy for them to walk in time, to avoid tripping each other, and it only takes another few minutes before they arrive outside of JJ’s apartment building.

“Come in for a coffee, Hotch. You can warm up and sober up at the same time,” JJ unlocks the door and opens it wide for him to follow her. He hesitates for a second, before deciding that he could probably do with waiting just a little longer before he tries to drive home.

Aaron follows her down the corridor and into her apartment, and closes the door behind himself while he watches her kick her shoes off into the hallway. He trails after her into her kitchen and hangs his suit jacket on the back of a chair at the breakfast bar, then sits and watches as she makes the coffees, his mind drifting slightly until he realizes that JJ keeps opening her mouth to say something, before stopping herself.

“You can ask,” he offers, quietly.

“Are you okay?” JJ blurts quickly, as though the question has been on the tip of her tongue all night, and mirroring the question he’d asked her earlier in the day as Chrissy Wilkinson was being led away in handcuffs. 

He’s been thinking about whether or not he’s okay since Dave asked him that evening, but Aaron still doesn’t know how to answer. “I don’t know. I think so?” He tries to leave the answer at that, but JJ gives him her _look_ , and he knows he’s not going to be able to get away with a non-answer. “Haley and I had been drifting apart for a while now. I’ll always love her in some way; she’s the mother of my child and we’d been together since high school, but I don’t think we’ve been in love with each other for a long time. Maybe years. I don’t know.” He hesitates a second and looks down at the ring still on his finger, twists it a little before adding, “I think she might have been having an affair.”

“An affair?!” JJ seems shocked, which doesn’t surprise Aaron. He’d been pretty shocked when he considered it, too.

“I don’t know for certain, it was mostly things like the phone ringing and the line going dead when I answered, then two seconds later her cell would ring. Nothing definitive, but enough that I had my suspicions. Not that I could blame her, really. I was never really there, especially in the last few months.” Smiling wryly, he adds, “She always said I was married to two people; her, and the job. I guess she figured she needed someone else, too.”

JJ looks conflicted for a second, then speaks hesitantly. “Do you remember the case in New Orleans, back in February?” 

“With the female unsub?” Aaron double checks, murmuring a quick thanks as JJ passes him his drink.

“Yeah,” JJ pauses for a second, then continues, “I went on a few dates with the detective we worked with. Will? I know it’s probably not the most professional thing to do, but the case was closed before I said yes.”

Aaron frowns, but there’s not really anything he can say. If the case was already over, then there’s no professional reason he should be irritated by it.

JJ continues after taking a sip of her own drink. “But anyway, the point is that it didn’t work out. Even though he’s a LEO, he didn’t really understand what our job is like. Plus a long-distance relationship needs even more effort to make it work, and it just didn’t seem worth it at the time. I thought that he’d have a better chance of understanding than most people, but he just didn’t really get how important this work is to me.” 

“That’s a part of what caused things to fall apart with Haley,” Aaron nods as he looks down at his coffee and quietly adds, “but I certainly didn’t help matters. Ultimately, I chose my job over her.”

“At this point, I’m starting to think we should all just date in-team; at least that way we’d all understand what it’s like, y’know?” JJ tries to break the tension and half-laughs into her coffee as she wraps her hands around the mug.

“Given that you girls would probably need to set up some kind of timeshare for Morgan, I’m not quite sure how that would work…” he jokes while watching her lean back against the counter, the steam from her mug making her cheeks pink up.

JJ quirks an eyebrow at him before surprising him. “Actually we all got drunk a few months ago and called dibs on you guys, in case we ever ended up in some kind of apocalyptic scenario,” she frowns for a split second, “the reasoning made sense at the time. Anyway, only Garcia picked Morgan.”

Aaron’s eyebrows shoot up in shock; he definitely would have thought that Morgan would be more popular. 

JJ blushes a little and adds, “Don’t worry, you got picked.”

It only takes a split second for Aaron to wonder if JJ is suggesting what he thinks she is, and for him to decide that he really needs to know. “Who by?” he asks softly.

JJ looks straight at him and hesitates for a second before surprising him once more. “Me.”

There’s a pause as they stare at each other. Aaron can feel how quickly his heart is pounding, hear it rushing in his ears, and this is a mistake; they shouldn’t be flirting, _he_ shouldn’t be flirting with _her_. He’s still technically married, and he’s her boss and a lot older than her, and he really shouldn’t be thinking about her like this. He doesn’t look away though as she puts her coffee down on the counter before taking steady steps around the breakfast bar. She pauses about a foot away from where he’s sitting. Neither of them has looked away yet and he doesn’t know what’s going to happen here, but he _wants_. And he kind of hates himself for that. He should know better.

“We work together, JJ. I’m your boss,” he tries to reason, because it doesn’t matter how attracted to her he is, they shouldn’t do this.

She takes another half-step towards him and says softly, “I won’t let it change anything if you don’t.” She nudges forward the last few inches until her hip bumps up against his knee, and Aaron automatically moves his knees apart to accommodate her stepping even closer, like his brain has checked out and his body has just realized how desperate it is for her to be pressed against him.

Her hands reach up to his chest, just resting gently against the soft material of his shirt, but he can feel how warm her hands are, how steady they are. He can’t stop his own hands from gripping her hips, his thumbs nudging up under her shirt to lightly rest on her skin, and this has already gone too far, he needs to stop it. He tries to be sensible, and mutters her name, about to tell her they can’t do this, but before he can, she leans forward and presses her lips to his.

Aaron knows he has to pull away. Neither of them are _drunk_ , but they have both been drinking, and they’ve both had an emotional few days. He knows he should stop this. Instead, he moves instinctively to cup the back of her head, just under her ponytail, and tilt her face slightly so he can deepen the kiss. His tongue gently brushes against her bottom lip and she opens up beautifully, her tongue sliding against his as her hands surge up to wrap around the nape of his neck, her thumbs caressing his cheeks. He’s not sure which of them moves, but suddenly JJ is crushed to his chest, Aaron’s right arm wrapped tightly around her waist, while they’re kissing desperately. Whatever good intentions he’s had are utterly lost, because he can’t think of doing anything else other than this right now.

JJ breaks the kiss and pulls away slightly, just enough for her to look in his eyes. “Just for tonight, can we not be work colleagues? I need this right now and I think you do, too. Can we just-- anything that happens tonight is just between us? It doesn’t change anything?”

Aaron stares into her eyes and knows that he’s going to agree. She’s always been a weakness of his; he hates saying no to her, disappointing her. He glances down at her lips and likes how kiss-bruised they look, and out of the corner of his eye he can see a flush starting to spread across her collarbones, almost matching the colour of her shirt. He wants to see how far down it goes. “Okay,” he whispers against her lips, “it doesn’t change anything.” 

He brushes a loose strand of hair away from her eyes, and the light reflecting off his wedding ring makes him pause. He makes a decision then; he knows it’s time, and it feels wrong to be with JJ while he’s wearing his ring from Haley, so he slips it off and tucks it into the pocket of his suit jacket as it hangs on the back of the chair.

She smiles softly at him before leaning back in for another kiss, and Aaron is so distracted that for a second he doesn’t feel her pulling at his tie, trying to loosen it enough to pull it off. He grabs the knot out of her hand and quickly unties it, but doesn’t stop kissing her. He throws the tie onto the counter, and she quickly starts unbuttoning his shirt, but she’s not close enough as far as Aaron is concerned. If they’re doing this, then he needs to touch her, maybe more than he needs to breathe right now. He grabs at her hips and lifts her into his lap as he starts to stand. JJ gasps into his mouth and grabs at his shoulders to steady herself, but she seems to get with the picture pretty quickly and wraps her legs around him as he starts to move towards the doorway.

She breaks the kiss, huffs a quiet laugh against his lips and rests her forehead against his before grinning and asking, “Are you trying to show off now, Agent Hotchner?”

He quirks a small smile at her. “Well, apparently I need to live up to Morgan’s reputation.”

JJ just looks at him steadily. “I didn’t even hesitate for a second before claiming you, Hotch. Pen and Em have been teasing me about it for the last seven months,” she rolls her eyes fondly. “According to them, I have a crush on you.”

Aaron feels more than a little overwhelmed by that, and has no idea what to say; how to explain why it feels like his heart just skipped a beat before thundering loudly. Instead he detours from his attempt to get them through the doorway, and pushes JJ up against the wall, presses his body against hers while he licks his way into her mouth again.

He can feel JJ respond enthusiastically under him, but it’s not until she writhes against him that he realizes he’s been practically rutting into her, sliding his erection along the juncture of her thighs. He kisses down the side of her neck and uses the leverage of his body pressing her into the wall to let his hands slide down her hips, until he’s groping her ass, using the position to try to alter their angle, to get more of the friction hitting right where she needs it.

Aaron pauses from the unintentional hickey he’s been sucking into JJ’s neck to gasp out, “Bedroom?”, before tucking his face back against her throat and briefly biting down on his mark.

JJ squirms against him again before laughing. “I think we need to step three feet away from each other and walk there without touching or looking at each other, because otherwise I’m about two seconds away from asking you to fuck me against this wall.”

Given that Aaron can feel his dick twitch hard in his pants at that, which means JJ will have no doubt felt him pulse against her, he has to concede her point. He has a brief second of wondering whether or not that would be a bad thing, taking her up against this wall, before realizing that if they’ve only got this one night, then the things he wants to do to her will probably require a bed.

Pressing a quick kiss to her lips, he gently lowers her back down to the floor, then takes two steps back, adjusting himself as he goes. He doesn’t miss the heated glance she gives him as he does that. “Ladies first”, he gestures towards the open doorway, then follows her as she heads towards her bedroom. She throws a glance back at him over her shoulder as she walks down the corridor, and he sees the look of mischief in her eyes a split second before she quickly undoes the buttons on her blouse and slips it over her shoulders, pulls it down her arms and then throws it at him with another smirk over her shoulder.

Aaron can’t take his eyes off her. The way her jeans shape her ass, the thin satin straps of her bra, her small pale feet padding along the carpeted floor.

He’s so fucked.

He lets her blouse fall to the floor and catches up to her just as she opens her bedroom door. He uses his momentum to spin her around and kiss her, walking her backwards towards the bed. She presses herself against his chest, lifting up on her toes to lick further into his mouth, so he wraps his arms around her and lifts her off the ground, before turning around so he can sit on the edge of her bed, with JJ straddling his lap. At this angle he has to tilt his head up slightly to keep kissing her, and it’s odd having to look up at her, but he definitely likes it. And at least he knows that this way she has some control over this. That if she changes her mind, she can just get up and walk away. Giving her that element of control helps calm his mind, helps him to feel less like he’s taking advantage of his employee.

As if JJ can read his mind, she pulls back slightly so she can look at him. She almost looks on the verge of saying something to him, before changing her mind and holding his face between her hands, staring him straight in the eye. She quirks another small, soft smile at him before leaning back in to kiss him sweetly, almost chastely, while she lifts her hands into her own hair to pull the tie from her ponytail. Her hair falls all around her face, brushing against Aaron’s skin, and this time he’s the one to break the kiss so that he can look at her. She runs her hands through her hair, trying to shake it out of the style it’s been in for the better part of the day, and it hits him, not for the first time, how beautiful she is. She’s utterly stunning, and he has no idea why she wants to do this with him, when she could have her pick of guys.

“C’mon, stand up a sec,” she whispers, before climbing off his lap and grabbing his hands to pull him up impatiently. She unbuttons the last few buttons on his shirt before pulling the tails out of his pants, and rucking up his undershirt so she can get at his skin. Aaron knows he should probably be helping, but he’s distracted. He wants to run his tongue along her collarbone, follow her flushed skin down over the swell of her breasts, wants to spend hours eating her out, making her cry in desperation. He snaps back into the moment as he feels JJ’s nails gently run down the skin of his lower abdomen until her fingers catch on his belt. He unbuttons his cuffs so he can pull his shirt off, then throws it in the vague direction of the chair he can see in the corner of the room, quickly followed by his undershirt. She’s already working on his buckle, so he returns the favor and starts to unfasten her jeans, allowing his fingertips to dance along her skin as they work.

JJ suddenly drops down to her knees, and Aaron has to take in a strangled breath because seeing her knelt in front of him, half naked, is damaging his control. He feels like a teenager again, and watching her reach down to untie his shoes shouldn’t be this erotic. She pulls off his shoes and socks, then runs her hands up the outside of his legs until she reaches his belt again, pulling it free from his pants. Aaron can feel his dick twitching in the confines of his boxers, and he can tell the second JJ notices. He watches as she bites at her bottom lip before ghosting her hand over the outline of his erection, barely making contact at all, but just enough to almost drive him mad. She quickly unfastens his pants and pushes them off his legs, throws them behind her, then just sits for a second, staring at him, while he’s practically naked in front of her, his dick tenting his boxers obscenely.

“JJ--” he barely gets the chance to breathe out her name before she tugs his boxers over his erection and pulls them off. He’s stunned for a second, looking down at her, at how hard she’s breathing, her breasts rising and falling deeply, before she brings her hand up to wrap around the base of his dick, then leans forward to lick at the tip. She raises herself up on her knees a little more, then breaks eye contact so she can take him further into her mouth, and he’s practically on the edge of losing it already. He runs his fingers through her hair, cups the back of her neck, and tries to get some control back over himself, but she starts to gently suck at him and _fuck_ he’s too worked up, too on edge to make this last. “God, JJ, I can’t -- if you carry on, then this is going to be over way too quickly.”

JJ pulls off him with a filthy sound and a final lick, and Aaron offers her his hand to help her get back to her feet. As soon as she’s standing, she shimmies out of her unfastened jeans and kicks them to the floor, leaving her stood before him in her beige bra and matching panties, edged with simple black lace. She steps in, flush to his body, and reaches up to drag his mouth down to hers for a brief kiss. Aaron can feel the softness of her abdomen against the head of his dick; feel the slick slide as he smears precome on her skin.

“Get on the bed, Hotch,” JJ lightly pushes him backwards towards the bed, causing Aaron to hit the edge with the back of his knees. 

He sits and shuffles back towards the headboard with a quirk of his eyebrow and a joking, “Yes, ma’am.”

JJ climbs onto the bed and knee-walks towards him while mock glaring at him. “You do realize that the next time I hear you say that at work, I’m going to have a really inappropriate reaction, right?”

Aaron smirks a little at that, before pulling her closer, so she’s straddling his lap, and looks her up and down. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

She grins and reaches behind her back to unhook her bra before throwing it over at the haphazard pile of clothes near the chair. “Better?”

Aaron swallows hard, his eyes drawn down JJ’s body to her exposed breasts, her nipples already peaked. “Yes.” It seems like an understatement. “You’re so beautiful, JJ,” he brushes his thumbs against the side of her breasts, entranced with her reaction as she gasps quietly and squirms against him. He can’t keep his own reaction quiet, and he moans as he kisses down her chest before wrapping his lips around her nipple and gently sucking. He lets one of his hands wander down her skin, across her stomach, until his thumb catches on the edge of her panties. Still sucking on her nipple, he runs his thumb softly down the outside of her underwear, barely applying any pressure at all, as he feels how damp the material already is, how wet she is for him.

He can feel JJ clutching at his hair and almost grinding down on him, but all Aaron can think is that if it weren’t for the physical barrier of her panties, her movements would be causing him to slide deep into her, and he wants that so desperately. To fill her, to fuck her, to have her come on his cock. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted someone this desperately, even Haley.

Aaron slides his hands back around to JJ’s hips, hooks his thumbs into the waistband of her panties and drags them down an inch, but realizes he won’t be able to get them off her completely, not while she’s sat on him. He reluctantly releases her nipple and tells her to stand up, nudging his hands to cup under her thighs, lifting her slightly to help her get her feet on the bed. JJ raises an eyebrow at him, but moves to stand up anyway, pressing a hand to the ceiling in order to keep her balance. Aaron looks up at her while drifting his fingers up her thighs, stroking his thumbs against her skin, then hooks his fingers into her panties and pulls them down her legs. He gently holds each ankle in turn to help her keep her balance while he unhooks the material from them, then throws her underwear off to the side. He grabs hold of her thighs again before she can start to move back down, leans forward slightly, and buries his face between her legs.

“Hotch!” JJ all but shouts, and he can feel her almost fall forward so he wraps his right arm around the back of her legs, high up so he can pin her close to him, then brings his other hand up to part her lips before licking hard against her clit. He hears her cry out again as one of her hands clutches at his head and her fingers bury themselves in his hair, but all of his senses narrow down to how she tastes, how she feels under his tongue. He can feel how wet she is for him; she’s practically dripping, so he pushes his fingers further back, curls two up inside her, rocking them gently in and out while he licks and sucks at her.

He can hear her quiet gasps and feel her thighs starting to shake, but it isn’t until her cries change to “Aaron” and she tries to move his head back a little, that he takes his mouth off her and carefully lets her slide down his body until she’s back on her knees, straddling him and looking more than a little dazed. Her skin is sex-flushed and sweaty, a few strands of hair are stuck to her cheek, and she looks heart-stoppingly beautiful.

“You okay?” Aaron asks as he uses the back of his hand to wipe at his mouth, before using his clean hand to tuck the strands of hair behind her ear.

She takes in a breath before nodding, “Yeah, I just really need you to be inside me right now.” Before Aaron can react, JJ tilts her head down and kisses him, licks into his mouth, surely tasting herself on his tongue. She breaks the kiss and leans over to the side, opens her nightstand drawer, and pulls a box of condoms out. Aaron watches, his fingers trailing distractedly across her hips and thighs, as she takes a condom out before throwing the box back into the drawer. She tears open the foil, then pinches the tip of the condom before rolling it down his erection, and Aaron has to tighten his grip on her thighs in order to fight thrusting up into her grip. The empty foil packet gets thrown in the same direction as the box, and then JJ is rocking up on her knees to position herself over him, her hand still on his dick, steadying him slightly. “You ready?” she whispers against his lips.

He looks into her eyes and sees that her hair has fallen across her face again. He nods, “Yes”. He tucks her hair out of the way again as she rocks down onto him, still looking him in the eye. She’s so hot and tight and _wet_ , and he feels like he can’t quite catch his breath. She goes slowly, clearly trying to adjust to him, and Aaron tries to hold back, tries to let her set the pace and get comfortable. More than anything, he doesn’t want to hurt her.

It feels like it takes simultaneously a split second and an eternity before she’s fully taken him in, and the sensation makes him feel like he could fly apart at any second. Aaron has no idea how this feels so good already, when they’ve barely even started. JJ only pauses for a second before lifting herself back up and then down again, quicker this time. Aaron is digging his fingertips into her hips so hard that he’s pretty sure she’s going to have bruises later, and he tries to ignore the flare of red-hot possessiveness that flashes through him at the thought. She clearly doesn’t seem to mind though, as she starts to ride him a little faster, her breasts bouncing a little as she grinds down faster and harder.

“JJ, you feel -- god, you feel amazing,” Aaron whispers into her mouth as he tips her head down for another devastating kiss. She’s running her hands over his shoulders, down his chest and stomach, around to his back, and he feels like he’s dying inside. He needs to make this good for her, possibly more than he needs oxygen right now, but he has no leverage like this. Thinking quickly, he wraps his right arm around her again, pinning her to his body so that he can push up off the bed enough to get his legs twisted underneath him, and he can rest on his knees, lifting her off the bed and completely taking her weight on his lap. JJ lets out a startled yelp at the change, as his dick pushes just that little bit deeper inside her, and she flings her arms around his neck and automatically clenches down a little. Aaron feels a little like he’s losing his mind thanks to how amazing that feels. “You okay?” he checks.

“Yeah, yeah,” she gasps, then laughs a little hysterically. “You really are showing off, aren’t you?”

Aaron can’t help but give her a slightly smug smile, before using his new position to hold her up with both arms and fuck up into her. “You might want to wrap your legs around me.” He brushes his lips against hers softly, before flexing his legs and driving up into her again.

It sounds like JJ can’t stop the noise that pushes out of her throat, a startled gasp that half turns into a moan as she tightens her thighs around his hips. “More, Aaron, c’mon, I can take it.” 

It’s like he was subconsciously waiting for that last okay, because he doesn’t hesitate now before fucking into her faster, hard and desperate. He thinks JJ’s close; the way she keeps gripping down on his cock makes him think she’s not far off, but he knows he’s not going to be able to hold back his own orgasm for much longer. He shifts his weight slightly so he can bring one hand round to smooth down her stomach, down until his thumb presses over her clit, and the noise JJ makes at that is definitely more than half a moan. She tries to push her hips forward, probably trying to get more friction, but she has no leverage in this position. Aaron circles his thumb around her clit gently, still grinding her down onto his cock, before he carefully flicks the tip of his thumb across the hood of her clit and _fuck_ that’s it. JJ feels like she’s shaking apart in his arms, her thighs tightening their grip on him, and her cunt clenching down almost painfully on his dick. He wraps his arm back around her and buries his face in her neck, sucking hard at the mark already developing there as he rolls his hips a few more times, then pulses helplessly into her.

They pause like that for a few seconds, arms wrapped tight around each other, before Aaron lifts his head out of her neck. He’s suddenly hesitant, unsure of where he stands now. When she said that she just wanted one night did she mean the entire night, or just one time? Given the things they’ve just done together, the sudden awkwardness he feels is utterly ridiculous, but he really doesn’t want to make the wrong move and make things horrifically uncomfortable for them both.

He’s saved from having to work out what to do next by JJ dropping a quick kiss on his lips, then unwrapping her legs from around his hips and lifting herself off him. She kneels in front of him and kisses him again, before smiling and stroking a hand down his cheek. “Stop overthinking, Aaron. We’re okay.” She climbs off the bed, then turns to him. “Gimme one minute and then the bathroom’s all yours, okay?”

He nods, and then watches as she turns and leaves her bedroom on slightly wobbly legs, still naked. Somehow, she looks even more beautiful than before. Aaron glances down as he feels himself start to soften and he carefully removes the condom, tying the end, before climbing off the bed and grabbing the foil wrapper as well. He hears a flush from down the corridor, and is saved from having to work out what he should do next by JJ reappearing at the bedroom door.

“It’s the first door on the left,” she gestures over her shoulder, then steps to the side so he can get through the doorway. He disposes of the condom quickly and uses the bathroom, but it’s not until he’s washing his hands that he realizes that he’s still naked, and that he probably should have thought ahead and grabbed some clothes on his way in here. Not that that helps him now. He dries his hands and heads back into JJ’s bedroom, preparing himself to throw his clothes on and make a quick exit to try and make things less awkward for her. 

When he gets back into the room, JJ is sitting cross-legged on the bed in her panties and a tank top, with the sheets pulled down. She throws his undershirt and briefs at him with a smile, and when he glances over at the pile of clothes near her chair, he realizes that she’s hung his pants and shirt up for him. He’s not sure what that means but he pulls on the clothes she’s given him, regardless.

She pats the bed next to her. “It’s way too late for you to walk back to the bar and then drive home, you should just stay here,” she tucks her hair behind her ears, which she usually only does when she’s nervous, and adds, “I’ll make sure we wake up early enough, then you can still make it home in time to change before work.”

“Are you sure? I can leave now if you want,” he needs to make sure that he’s not overstaying his welcome. She means too much to him for him to mess this up. They work together too well.

She rolls her eyes fondly at him, then pats the bed again, so he moves around to the far side and gets in. There’s a moment when she’s setting her alarm where he wonders if this is a good idea. But he _is_ tired, and given that they’ve just had sex, it’s unlikely that they’ll be awkward about any accidental cuddling during the night. He resolves to just follow JJ’s lead and relax about it. 

JJ turns the light off, then rolls over in the bed to face him. “Apparently I’m a hugger in bed, so I’m just going to apologise now if you wake up to me clinging to your side or something.”

He just responds by lifting his arm a little so she can scoot under it, and wrap an arm around his waist. “Don’t worry, apparently I steal all the covers, so you’ll probably need to be clinging to me in order to be under them.”

She rests her head on his shoulder, and he can feel the puff of breath against his neck as she laughs. “Night, Hotch.”

“Night, JJ,” he whispers into her hair before dropping a kiss onto the top of her head. He lays awake for a few moments, listening to her breathing even out as she falls asleep. His head is buzzing too much for sleep; he can’t stop thinking back to when he accidentally walked into the auditions for _The Pirates of Penzance_ in high school, and he doesn’t know why.

It suddenly hits him that the tightness in his chest is the same feeling he got every single time he looked at Haley while he was trying to get her attention at the auditions.

It feels like the floor has dropped out from under him.

He’s in love with JJ.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

JJ slowly starts to wake up, squinting her eyes at her alarm clock as she has a momentary panic that it hasn’t sounded. She relaxes again when she sees that there’s still twenty minutes before it’s due to go off. It takes her a second to remember the night before and to realize that the reason she feels so warm and comfortable is that Hotch is spooned tight behind her, his arm tucked around her, high up under her breasts, and his legs curled up behind hers. It’s only another second after that that she registers the feeling of his half-hard dick pressing high into her inner thigh.

She knows she should probably slip quietly out of bed without waking him. That she should distance herself, and not act on the fluttering she can feel in her stomach. But she might never get another chance at this, and she already knows that last night wasn’t enough. JJ can still feel the ghost of him inside her, and now that she knows what he keeps hidden underneath those suits of his, she’s not sure how she’s ever going to be able to look at him the same way again. They’d said that this would just be for one night, but this could still count, right? 

Mind made up, she reaches behind her slightly to run her hand up his bare thigh, gently scraping her nails through the hair, and she smiles as she feels his dick twitch against her, steadily getting harder. His arm tightens around her as he starts to wake up. 

“Morning,” she whispers softly.

He mostly grunts his “morning” into her hair as he leans in to kiss the back of her neck, his voice rough and deep. “Is this okay?” he asks as he runs his fingertips across her stomach, gliding across the skin where her tank top has rucked up in the night.

JJ arches back into him and moans a simple “yes”, then lets out a quiet gasp as he doesn’t waste any time. His fingers slide down, under the waistband of her panties, and he rubs a lazy circle around her clit. She’s already ridiculously wet, just from this; she’s pretty certain that she’s never responded this quickly to anyone before in her life. She tugs her underwear down over her hips and kicks them off her feet, before trying to reach behind her to get his boxers off. Hotch definitely doesn’t help. Instead, he takes advantage of her squirming to wrap his arm further around her and he slides two thick fingers into her, grinding the base of his thumb against her clit.

JJ can’t stop herself from letting out a groan and arching back against him, and she’s so frustrated; she can feel how hard he is, rubbing against her ass and sliding between her legs, and as good as his fingers feel inside her, she really just needs him to fuck her instead. She abandons her attempts to remove his underwear, and instead rolls her upper body forward slightly to grab another condom from the nightstand. JJ flicks her wrist and throws the condom over her shoulder, hitting him in the chest with it. “C’mon, we don’t have much time before we need to leave,” she urges. His fingers slide out of her, and she tries to suppress her moan at the loss.

She pulls her tank top quickly over her head at the same time as she can feel Hotch pulling his undershirt off behind her, then tugging his boxers down. She can hear the foil condom wrapper being opened, and then a few seconds later he rolls back towards her, spooning her again. JJ moans quietly as he pulls her hips back into his, before guiding himself into her. He pushes in in one slow, steady roll of his hips, and _god_ she’s so far gone already. Just the feel of him back inside her, stretching her, is almost too much. He’s so big, and this angle just makes everything seem so much more _intense_ ; she almost feels like she could cry, she’s so overcome with sensation.

Hotch tucks his face back into the crook of her neck, licking and sucking at the bruise she can still feel from last night, while he slowly, lazily thrusts into her over and over again, his hand gripping tight at her hip. It strikes her out of nowhere that this is _Aaron_ , not Hotch. This is what he’d be like early in a morning, making love to her before they had to leave for work. 

She’d laughed before at Emily and Penelope when they said she had a crush on him. She’s known for a while that she’s attracted to him, but JJ’s pretty sure that half the women in the bureau are. A crush would imply _feelings_ though, and there’s no way… except now she’s thinking that maybe this _is_ more than simple attraction. She desperately wants to wake up like this every day, even though she knows that can never happen. It hits her, almost painfully, that this isn’t a new feeling.

She can feel him scrape his teeth lightly against the hickey he’s been working on, and a shiver runs through her. “You know, it’s gonna be difficult to hide that while we’re at work today,” she whispers, and JJ half-laughs as Hotch grunts at that and thrusts in a little harder. It’s obvious that he likes the thought of her being marked at work; of it being _his_ mark. She’s not a profiler but she knows that Hotch has a _lot_ of alpha-male tendencies, and boy has that gotten her wet at the most inappropriate times in the past, but knowing that he clearly likes the thought of her being marked as his is crazy hot. She’s not going to look too deeply into the reasons why; she’s just going to enjoy the benefits.

JJ squirms around a little, until she can almost reach his mouth to kiss him, but the angle isn’t quite right. She stills his thrusts with a hand to his thigh, and shifts so his dick slides out of her, before turning towards him to lay on her back. She nudges him to move on top of her. “I needed to see you,” she whispers into his mouth, and that’s probably revealing too much, but apparently sex with Hotch makes her lose her brain-to-mouth filter.

It doesn’t matter though, because Hotch seems to approve. He lifts her thigh up to encourage her to wrap her leg around his hip, and then he slides back into her, deep and slow, with a twist of his hips at the end that drives her utterly insane. She’s actually going to lose her damn mind. JJ just manages to stop a hysterical laugh from bursting out, and instead kisses him, licking into his mouth, before realizing that she hasn’t exactly had a chance to brush her teeth yet this morning. “Sorry about the morning breath,” she mutters against his lips.

“I really don’t care,” he grunts, as he rocks back into her with another powerful thrust, causing JJ to arch her back in pleasure. Her skin feels tight, like she’s being stretched thin, almost to breaking point, and she can’t help clutching at him, her nails digging into his back a little.

At his next thrust, she can’t stop herself from crying out, “Aaron, _please_ , harder.” She wants to be able to feel this all day. To be reminded of how he feels inside her, every time she moves. Hotch just tucks an arm underneath the small of her back, tilting her hips slightly and pulling her into him further, almost lifting her from the bed. He rests his other arm by her head, holding himself up with his forearm, and she’s always known he’s strong; he’s obviously athletic, both because of the job and because she knows he likes to stay fit anyway, but seeing the evidence of his strength while he’s fucking her to within an inch of her life is almost too much. She may have teased him last night about showing off, but it’s definitely working for her.

He shifts his weight slightly and dips his hips a little, and _Jesus fucking Christ_ , she usually needs some kind of stimulation on her clit to come, but she’s pretty certain she’s not going to need it this time, because he’s got the angle fucking perfect. JJ can feel her orgasm building quickly, deep down in her spine, and she clutches Hotch to her as she feels sparks start to burst across her skin. He’s thrusting so hard into her right now that all she can hear is the slap of their skin together, his low, quiet grunts, and the cries that are being pushed from her throat. They sound obscene together.

Hotch is actually nudging her up the bed with the force of his thrusts, so JJ flings an arm over her head to push back against the headboard, press herself back down onto him, and that’s _it_ , she’s gone. She can feel her body arch and lock up, and it seems like the world whites out in front of her; all she can hear now is a faint buzzing noise in the back of her head. She’s vaguely aware of him coming inside her, of his thrusts slowing down as he pulses into her, then his momentarily heavy weight as he practically collapses onto her, his head resting on her breast. She likes how heavy he feels. JJ feels like that’s maybe the only thing connecting her to reality right now.

\---&\---

JJ rushes into the elevator just before the doors close, and it takes her a second to realize she’s not alone in here. Emily is propped up against the back wall, sunglasses attached firmly to her face, and a coffee in her hand as though it’s her lifeline. She can’t help but grin at her friend’s obvious hangover. “So, how are you feeling today Em?”

Emily barely even looks in her direction, and just grunts in response. JJ laughs and leans against the same wall, turning her head to look at her. Finally, Emily turns to look back at JJ. “How are you so chipper today?” she moans.

JJ fights a blush from forming and just shrugs. “I didn’t drink as much as you, for a start. And I must have had a good night’s sleep.” They both jump slightly as the elevator dings its arrival on the sixth floor, and they walk in time towards the bullpen, JJ grabbing the door and holding it open for Emily before she attempts to walk straight through the glass. “Are you sure you’re going to make it through the day?”

“I just need more coffee. Then I’ll be fine. Probably,” Emily mutters as she heads over to the kitchenette, clearly about to get another caffeine hit before she’s even finished her first. 

JJ is so distracted watching Emily attempt to pour another coffee, that she doesn’t even realize Hotch has arrived in the bullpen and is standing next to her until she hears a quiet “hey”.

“Hey,” she smiles at him, before gesturing towards Emily, “I think she’s a little hungover today.”

Hotch doesn’t even turn to look at Emily, and instead turns fully towards JJ. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good. You?”

He just looks at her for a moment, as if trying to assess whether or not she really is okay, before he nods. “Yeah, I’m good.” Just before he turns away to walk towards his office, she catches his gaze dropping to her neck. She knows that the hickey he gave her is covered up by the collar of the white blouse she’s wearing, but she still feels a slight thrill run through her, knowing that he’s thinking about it. She can see the slight flush in his cheeks and knows that she’s starting to blush as well. Before she can say anything else, he just nods at her, and walks up to his office, closing the door behind him.

JJ crosses the bullpen and retreats towards her own office, glad that she can hide in there for a little while until she can get herself back under control.

\---&\---

It’s been a slow morning so far, and JJ’s mostly been working through the paperwork to close out the Fredericksburg case. Unfortunately, because it’s been so slow, she’s had far too much time to think. Every time she so much as shifts slightly in her seat, her mind races back to Hotch and how thick he felt inside her. She keeps catching herself staring off into the distance, her fingers pressed to his mark on her neck, wondering if he’s thinking about her too. She’s never been more thankful to have her own office to hide away in, because she knows that the team would work out that something was off with her if she had to sit with them in the bullpen.

She startles slightly as a light knock sounds on her door, and Spence sticks his head in. “Hey, Hotch says we’re all meeting in five minutes to review the next round of consults; is that okay?”

JJ just smiles and nods, then lets out a shaky breath as he smiles back and leaves. She’s been avoiding going to Hotch’s office to get the last few pieces of this paperwork signed off, purely because she’s not sure how she’ll react if she’s alone in his office with him. Hopefully she’ll be fine if the rest of the team is present. She gathers up all the files she’ll need for this meeting, then makes her way towards the conference room.

She’s the first one in the room, so she starts to organize the consults into piles, ready to hand out to different team members as they work their way through them. JJ looks up just as Emily and Derek walk in, quietly bickering about something, and she notes that Emily has yet another coffee in her hand. “How many is that now, Em?” JJ nods her head at the cup.

“Not enough,” Derek chimes in. “She’s almost functioning at a human level, but she’s not quite there yet.”

JJ laughs as Emily just glares at him, clearly still too hungover to think of a decent comeback. She smiles as Rossi and Spence join them, then nods her head towards Emily. “I don’t remember you drinking _that_ much more than the rest of us; how come everyone else is fine this morning?”

Emily just glares at Rossi. “ _David_ over here thought it’d be a good idea to stop off at another bar on the way home.” She turns back to JJ. “It wasn’t.”

Derek laughs loudly and turns to Rossi. “So wait, why aren’t you looking a little worse for wear this morning, too?”

Rossi just smirks at them all. “Oh, I haven’t had a hangover since the 90s.”

Before the team has a chance to mock him, Hotch walks in, his phone pressed to his ear, clearly coming to the end of a conversation. JJ uses the opportunity to hand out some of the files to her team, walking around the table and juggling the stack in her arms.

“I understand,” Hotch mutters into the phone, obviously trying to end the call so the meeting can start. “Yes, ma’am,” he says before hanging up.

JJ stumbles slightly as she hears those words, immediately flashing back to Hotch, naked and sprawled across her bed, saying that to her last night. She catches her hip against the empty chair she’s walking around, and almost drops the files in her arms, but she’s saved as Hotch quickly catches her, one arm around her waist and the other cupped underneath the files, balancing them on her arm.

“You okay?” Hotch murmurs quietly to her, and JJ flicks her eyes up to look into his. She knows he’s remembering the exact same thing that she is, and she can tell that he’s not unaffected. She watches as his eyes glance quickly at her lips, before he realizes that his arms are still wrapped around her and they’re in a room full of profilers. He quickly lets go.

“Yeah, thanks. I must have tripped on something, sorry,” JJ steps out of his arms and carries on handing out files, determined not to look at anyone until she gets back to her seat.

Hotch waits until she sits down before he takes his own seat, opposite her, and clears his throat. “Okay, let’s get started.”

They all settle down quickly to start reviewing the newest pile of consultation requests that have come in, and JJ is pleased to note that the team seems to agree with her initial assessments on most of the cases, and that they also agree with which team member she’s assigned to review them. She may not be a profiler, but JJ feels a swell of pride that they trust her judgement, and she automatically glances up at Hotch to see if he’s happy with her decisions too. She catches him watching her, an unreadable expression on his face, but he looks away quickly when he realizes she’s seen it.

She picks up the last file in front of her, and opens it up before she starts presenting the case to the team. It’s not until she’s halfway through talking about the second victim that she realizes that she keeps touching the side of her neck and pressing her fingertips lightly into the bruise there, and that she’s been doing it for almost the entire time they’ve been sat in the room. She’s embarrassed at her subconscious actions and briefly glances up at Hotch to see if he’s noticed, only to completely forget what she’s saying as she sees that he’s staring at her, his eyes dark and intense. She watches as he shifts slightly in his seat and she suddenly just _knows_ that he’s turned on. He’s shifting in his seat to relieve the pressure in his groin because he’s getting hard, just from watching JJ touch the mark he left on her.

JJ feels a flash of heat run through her, and she tears her eyes away from Hotch to look back down at the case in front of her. She shifts slightly and tries to ignore the fact that she’s so wet right now that she’s almost soaking through her panties, and she crosses her arms across her chest, hoping that no one else will have noticed how hard her nipples are. Clearing her throat, she carries on talking about the case, and ignores the looks she’s getting from the rest of the team.

Thankfully the meeting only lasts another few minutes after that, and as soon as they’re dismissed, JJ practically flies out of the room. She glances back up through the window as she crosses the bullpen and notices that everyone else is leaving too, except Hotch who is still sitting in his seat. JJ just focuses on getting back to her office, where she can sit in private and think about how she almost just threw herself into her boss’ lap and fucked him in front of all their colleagues.

It might be a little harder than she thought to keep her promise to him about nothing changing between the two of them.

\---&\---

It’s been six weeks since she had sex with Hotch, and JJ is going crazy. She’s been trying, desperately, to act like everything’s normal, but it isn’t. Every little look or touch between them feels electrifying. She can’t stop thinking back to that night, _their_ night, and she’s avoiding Hotch because of it. JJ knows that he’s been avoiding her too; they’ve barely been working together out in the field, and they limit their time together in the office as much as they possibly can, given their roles. She knows she promised him that nothing would change, but it feels like there’s sparks constantly flying between them, and she can’t do anything to stop it. She’d passed him a file folder yesterday, and then nearly had to run out of the room when just the touch of his finger against hers made her blush and remember what they felt like curled up inside her.

She’s been trying to avoid sitting too close to him on the plane, too, but she should have known that that wouldn’t last long. Even though everyone is tired after the horrifically long night searching for Agent Morris after she was kidnapped, there’s no way she’s going to be able to hide herself away in a quiet corner of the plane and catch a quick nap like the rest of the team. She’d overheard Hotch on a call to Haley as they were boarding, and from what she could pick up, it sounds as though she actually might let him see Jack, for the first time in almost three weeks, if he can get home this afternoon. The only problem is that, given this case involved the kidnapping of a federal agent, there’s a whole heap of extra paperwork involved, and it needs to be on Strauss’ desk before close of play. Which means that both she and Hotch will need to get started on it now, if he has any hopes of getting to see Jack today. The only piece of good luck they’ve had is that they were delayed on the tarmac for an hour, waiting for Rossi to get back from visiting Agent Morris in the hospital, so they’ve managed to make their way through almost all of the red tape before they’re even in the air.

JJ rubs at her eyes to try to wake herself up a little more, as she keeps scribbling away at the paperwork in front of her, trying not to get distracted by Hotch to her right. Every now and then her right arm bumps up against Hotch’s left as he writes away on his own documents, and JJ tries not to let herself linger over the contact. She pauses to stretch for a second and crack her back, and takes the opportunity to look around the plane to see what the rest of the team is doing. It looks as though everyone, with the exception of Derek, is already fast asleep, and even he seems to be drifting off, too. Given that it’s barely an hour in the air to get back to Quantico, she knows that everyone will have to settle for naps instead of the much longer sleep they all deserve, but at least that will probably be better than nothing. 

They’ve only been in the air for ten minutes before JJ can feel her eyes starting to drift shut, so she fights the feeling, and tries to finish the last two forms she needs to fill out. She can hang on a little while longer before she falls asleep, she knows she can, but suddenly she’s opening her eyes to find her face pressed into a white shirt. A white shirt that seems to be attached to a firm body that smells deliciously familiar. She blinks for a moment, trying to get her bearings, and she looks up to see that she’s curled up against Hotch’s chest and stomach, and that he’s half-leaning against the window, twisted slightly so that his upper back is pressed into the corner between the window and the back of his seat. She tries to move her arm, but quickly realizes that it’s trapped against Hotch’s stomach by his own arm, his hand pressed against JJ’s side and his thumb grazing the side of her breast. Her other arm is pinned between Hotch’s side and the back of the seats, and as she squirms to try to sit up, she quickly realizes that his other arm had been resting along her back, his hand pressed so low down on her hip that his fingers are brushing the top of her ass. Her movements cause his arm to fall slightly, and now he’s pretty much cupping her ass, and _holy shit_ she needs to get up now. 

It’s at that moment that JJ looks in front of her and sees Emily sitting opposite them, a shit-eating grin on her face, taking pictures of them on her phone.

JJ bolts upright, waking Hotch up, and glares at Emily. “Delete them,” JJ warns, trying to move her shoulder to get some feeling back into it, all while thoroughly avoiding looking at Hotch.

“Nope!” Emily is way too cheerful about this. “These are so getting made into the new BAU screensavers.”

“Wuh?” Hotch mutters, clearly confused about what’s going on.

JJ stands to go get some coffee in an attempt to not have to look at Hotch, and she sighs softly as Emily follows her. “How long until we land?” JJ asks, trying to avoid the topic of accidentally falling asleep on Hotch.

“About five minutes,” Emily replies, still grinning at her.

JJ ignores her and reaches for the coffee, groaning as her shoulder protests the move. Emily raises an eyebrow at the noise. “It’s just sore; I must have slept on it funny.”

Emily just looks playful as she says, “I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve woken up on top of a guy, feeling sore.”

“Emily!” JJ admonishes, glancing back into the cabin to make sure no one else heard. 

Emily just laughs at her and leaves to go take a seat, ready for the plane to land. JJ quickly fills two mugs with the lukewarm coffee and heads back to her seat, quietly placing one of them in front of Hotch, who doesn’t seem to want to meet her eyes.

“I don’t want to know why your cell has been going crazy, do I?” Hotch asks quietly.

JJ grabs it off the table and flicks through the notifications quickly. It looks as though Emily sent a few of the pictures to both her and Pen, and JJ has subsequently received approximately ten thousand texts from Garcia, each more giddy than the last. She opens up one of the pictures before turning her wrist slightly to show Hotch. 

“Ah,” he mutters.

“It gets better,” JJ says quietly, before closing the picture and quickly scrolling through all the incoming messages from Penelope. 

There’s a hesitation from Hotch before he sighs. “Remind me to fire them both when we get back to the office?”

“Oh, they’ll have to still be alive in order for you to do that,” JJ mutters.

Hotch just nods, before he gives her a soft smile. “I’ll give you an alibi, don’t worry.”

JJ grins back at him before buckling up, ready for the plane to land.

\---&\---

JJ looks down at the card laying in the top drawer of her desk, before she grabs the stapler next to it and quickly closes the drawer. Will had surprised her by sending the card for Valentine’s Day a few days earlier. It’s been almost ten months since she ended things with him, but apparently he’s been thinking of her and he wants to give their short-lived relationship another go. She hasn’t spoken to him yet about it. He’s called, a few times, but so far she’s managed to avoid calling him back by texting him to say that she’s on a case. She knows avoiding him won’t work forever, but she has no idea what to do. Will’s a nice guy but if things hadn’t worked out before, then JJ doesn’t really see how any relationship could work out in the future, unless something dramatic changed between them. Plus, there’s whatever the hell is going on with Hotch. They might not be in a relationship, but she’s pretty certain that there’s _something_ between them.

She just has no idea what.

She really wants to know if there’s something there. But she’s terrified that she’s misreading things. JJ really doesn’t want to make things awkward between them, and potentially ruin their friendship and professional relationship. But she feels like she maybe needs to do _something_ , just so she knows where she stands. Where _they_ stand.

JJ smooths down her skirt as she stands and moves from behind her desk, gathering the stack of files in her arms as she heads out of her office. It’s a little shorter than she’d normally go for, but she had assumed that she and Hotch would be working late tonight, going through all of these files and reviewing them, and… god, she doesn’t know what she’s trying to accomplish here, but the tension between the two of them is driving her crazy. She keeps catching him watching her, but he looks away the second he realizes that she’s noticed, and she knows that he won’t actually take that last step forward. She knows that they could be amazing together; she just needs to convince him that they’re worth the risk. Hence, hoping that a short skirt will help to tip him over the edge. 

JJ walks down the corridor towards the bullpen and rushes to catch up as she sees Anderson walking through the door at the end. She just manages to slide through the closing door before it shuts on her, thankful that she doesn’t have to juggle the files in order to swipe her access card. This late at night, all the corridors coming off the bullpen are protected by keycard access only, which is great for peace of mind, but not so useful when your arms are full of heavy files. 

She makes her way around the bullpen and up to Hotch’s office. JJ spots Anderson pause at his desk before grabbing his bag, and smiles at him when he gives her a quick wave goodnight as he goes to leave. She shifts the weight of the files in her arms and waves back. It looks as though everyone else has left for the day already, although Penelope has been running some critical updates on her systems, so JJ would bet good money that she’s still holed up in her office. She walks up the steps to Hotch’s office and presses the files against her chest so she can free a hand to knock lightly on his door, then opens it and enters without waiting for a response, knowing that he’s waiting for her anyway.

“Hey, you ready?” JJ smiles at him, noticing that he’s already moved one of his guest chairs around to his side of the desk for her.

“Sure. The sooner we get started, the sooner we’ll be done with them all,” Hotch gestures to the seat next to him, then stands to take the heavy files from her. He pauses as he clearly realizes that he has no room on his desk to actually put them down, so JJ hurries around the desk and grabs a different stack of files and moves them off to the side a little, making some room.

With that done, JJ sits down and crosses her legs, trying not to smile as she watches Hotch glance at her legs before quickly looking away. She leans forward to grab the first file they need to go through, but gets distracted when she notices the open box of chocolates sitting on his desk. “Oh! Are they the ones from Garcia?”

“Hmm?” Hotch follows her gaze and realizes she’s talking about the chocolates. “Yeah, I think she got the same ones for everyone?”

“They’re _really_ nice chocolates. Valentines was four days ago, Hotch; how do you still have any left?”

He just grins at her. “I’ve been rationing them out. They’re way too nice to eat all at once.”

She sits up a little straighter, trying to see which ones are left in the box. “Are there any--”

“I saved you the coffee ones,” Hotch interrupts, smiling at her fondly. “I’ve learned the hard way about getting between you and coffee flavored chocolate.”

“You’re a very wise man, have I ever told you that before?” JJ teases him gently as she leans across him to reach the box, not realizing until it’s too late that she’s pressed completely up against him, her breasts brushing against his arm. She grabs the box and retreats to sit back in her chair, hyper aware of her breathing. She doesn’t want to move too fast and scare him off, although she wonders whether or not that’s applicable to them, given that they’ve already had sex. Either way, she resolves to not push him _too_ much. As far as she knows he’s still technically married, as well as being her boss, so she doesn’t want to rock the boat too much until she knows that he wants to be with her too. She just wants some kind of _reaction_ from him.

Hotch clears his throat and tears his eyes away from her. JJ is pretty certain that she can see a slight blush across his cheeks, but she focuses on the chocolates in front of her instead as he picks up the arrest report from their first file.

“Have we had the full coroner’s report through yet for this?” Hotch gestures to the file, and JJ sits up in her seat so she can pay attention. She puts the box of chocolates down on the desk, quickly grabbing a coffee one and popping it in her mouth with one hand as she takes the papers out of Hotch’s hand with her other, flipping a few pages until she gets to the one he’s looking for.

“Already grabbed it for you,” JJ points out, noticing that she has a smudge of chocolate on her thumb. Without thinking, she pops it into her mouth, licking the skin clean, before she feels Hotch’s rapid exhale against her cheek. JJ is suddenly hyperaware of how close they are, and she realizes that Hotch is outright staring at her now. He’s looking intently at her mouth as she slides her thumb from between her lips. 

JJ doesn’t look away from him either, and she can feel them both start to lean in closer to each other. Her stomach swoops slightly with the sudden knowledge that he’s going to kiss her. His lips just, _just_ brush against hers when his phone rings, loud and startling in the quiet office. JJ watches, stunned, as Hotch startles and jumps away from her. He reaches over to answer the phone, and JJ has to admit that she’s a little pleased at how rough his voice sounds when he says his name. 

Hotch listens for a second before he passes the phone over to JJ. “Er, it’s Garcia. For you.”

“Hey peaches, sorry to interrupt what I’m sure is a thrilling paperwork-date with the boss-man, but I need those requisition forms from you before I can leave for the day!” Garcia’s voice comes bursting out of the handset, and JJ looks away from Hotch, trying to fight her blush as Garcia unintentionally almost hits the nail on the head.

“Sure, I just need to get them from my office then I can bring them to you; gimme a few minutes?”

“I’ll be waiting, my angel!”

JJ passes the phone back to Hotch for him to hang up, then awkwardly stands and gestures to his door. “I’d better go get those forms.” JJ practically runs out of his office, suddenly feeling like a teenager again. She doesn’t know what to say to him, and she’s worried that he’s going to tell her that their almost kiss was a mistake. So instead, she’s going to forget about it for a few minutes and escape to her office to take a breath. 

She’s just closed her office door behind her when she hears it open again. She turns to see that Hotch has followed her, cutting off her temporary escape.

“JJ, we need to talk about this,” he tries, but when she finally looks him in the eyes, he stops. He’s panicking, she can tell, but he also looks like he wants to devour her, and a flare of heat bursts through her again. 

They both step towards each other, no phone call to stop them this time, and he ducks his head as he presses his lips to hers, wrapping an arm tight around her waist and walking her backwards until her ass hits the edge of her desk. 

She knows every reason why they shouldn’t be doing this here, but she wants to so badly that she _can’t stop_. She buries her fingers in his hair as he deepens the kiss, slides his tongue against hers, and lifts slightly until she’s perched on her desk. She can feel his hands fall to her thighs, pushing her skirt up, and they _really_ shouldn’t do this here. But she’s missed this, missed _him_ , so much. She’s been thinking about the feel of him inside her for the last two months, and if there’s even the slightest chance that she can have him again, even if it is in her office, then she can’t miss that opportunity. 

JJ drops her hands to his waist, fumbling against his belt until it gives in and opens, and she starts on his pants as he pushes her skirt up under her ass and spreads her thighs apart. He doesn’t even waste time taking off her panties, he just pushes the material to the side and slides two fingers into her, and she can’t hold back her moan at how good that feels. She finally manages to get his pants undone, and she pushes them off his hips, the weight of his belt causing them to drop the floor, before she pushes his boxers down to mid-thigh.

He shuffles closer to her and moans her name as she wraps her hand around his hard dick, slicking her thumb against the precome gathering at the head. His fingers slide out of her, but she barely has a second to feel the loss before he holds the material of her panties out of the way and guides himself into her, pushing until he’s completely in, gripping hold of her thighs, and setting a fast pace of thrusts. 

JJ pushes his shirt up out of the way and wraps her legs around his hips, careful not to dig her heels into the back of his thighs, as she tries to keep her balance on the edge of the desk, but she could fall on her ass right now and not care, as long as he keeps fucking her like this. She has a flash of awareness: they’re still mostly clothed, Hotch still has his damn suit jacket on, and they’re fucking on her desk in her office where anyone could walk by and hear them. The one saving grace is that at least her blinds are closed. He distracts her from worrying by dipping his head and pressing his mouth to hers, licking at her bottom lip until she opens up and slides her tongue against his. She wraps one arm up around his neck, pulling him even closer to her and changing the angle of his thrusts slightly, while she clutches at his shirt with the other, desperately holding onto him.

“God, you’re so tight and _wet_ for me,” Hotch whispers against her cheek, before he drops kisses down her neck, sucking lightly at the skin there.

She has no idea what to say in response to that; her brain has almost completely checked out, and is focused entirely on the sensations he’s making her feel as he slides into her. Instead, she grabs hold of his hair and uses her grip to redirect his mouth back towards her own, kissing him deep and tangling her tongue against his.

“JJ,” he mutters into her mouth, “I need you to come; need to feel you...”

“Fuck, _Aaron_ ,” bursts out of her throat; his words setting her on fire. 

She feels one of his hands leave her thigh and nudge between them, his thumb scrambling to slide against her clit, and JJ leans back a little to help make some room, but the change in angle is almost too much; his dick thrusting in at just the right spot, and he barely touches her clit before her orgasm rocks through her, causing her to clench down tight around him. He only makes it another few seconds before she can feel him come, pulsing into her, as he gently strokes his thumb against her, causing her to squirm. 

She lets go of his hair so that she can prop herself up on the desk, leaning back on her arm, as they both look down to where he’s gently pulling out of her, his thumb spreading her open. She barely has a chance to register that she feels slicker than usual after her orgasm before his voice interrupts her thoughts.

“ _Shit_ , JJ, we didn’t--” he cuts off, and she suddenly realizes. They didn’t use a condom. Her mind races as she registers that the slick feeling is his come, and she’s both terrified and incredibly turned on, all at the same time. 

“I’m on the pill,” she blurts out, “and I’m clean; we had our physicals last summer, and the only person I’ve slept with since then is you.”

He looks like he’s in shock. “Same,” he nods, before adding, “well, not about the pill. But I’m clean and you’re the only one since…” he trails off, obviously meaning that she’s the only person he’s been with since Haley. 

JJ realizes that his thumb is still spreading her open at about the same time as Hotch does, and they both look down to watch as he gently slides his thumb back up to her clit, stroking across the bundle of nerves, causing her to gasp quietly. She glances up at his face, and he looks dumbfounded, utterly out of it, and she doesn’t know what’s happening here, but she can feel how turned on she’s getting again. 

She flicks her eyes back down again as she feels his thumb trail lower, and she watches as a trickle of come starts to slide out of her before Hotch catches it with his thumb and pushes it back into her. She squirms slightly at the feeling, wanting him to do _something_ but she doesn’t know what. JJ can see that he’s still hard, his dick wet and shiny, and suddenly all she wants is for him to push straight back into her, to make love to her until he comes deep inside her again, but she’s torn from her thoughts by a distant electronic beep. The kind of electronic beep that sounds when someone uses their key card to gain access to the corridor her office is in.

“Garcia,” JJ panics, “she must be coming for those forms.” 

Hotch lets go of her immediately and shuffles back a step, leaning down to grab his boxers and pants, trying to pull them up his legs quickly. JJ adjusts her underwear so it’s covering her again, then jumps off the desk and slides her skirt back down, trying to smooth out the creases in that and her shirt. Hotch takes a step back from her and just gets his shirt tucked in and belt fastened by the time a quick knock sounds on the door. JJ doesn’t even get chance to warn him to fix his hair before Penelope walks in without waiting for a response. 

“Did you get lost-- oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?” Pen bursts out, then hesitates, clearly feeling as though she’s walked into the middle of something.

JJ realizes that Hotch hasn’t turned around to look at Penelope yet, and when she glances down to check that he’s fully dressed, she understands why; he’s still hard, his dick making an obvious tent in his pants, and there’s no way Pen would miss that. 

“Oh, no, I was just trying to find that paperwork for you, but then Hotch needed this file,” JJ picks up a random file off her desk and passes it to him, “so I got sidetracked. Let me grab it for you now.” JJ reaches over to the far side of her desk to grab the stack of forms that she needs, before taking the few steps necessary to hand it to her.

Pen just looks at JJ, then looks at Hotch, who still hasn’t turned around, before she looks back at JJ. “Thanks sugarplum. I’ll just leave you two to whatever you’re doing…” she trails off, still looking suspiciously between them both, so JJ plasters on a bright grin, hoping to distract her as she escorts Pen out of her office. As soon as she closes the door, she breathes out a sigh of relief before turning towards Hotch.

“Okay, that was a little too close for--”

Hotch interrupts her. “This was a mistake, JJ.”

She whips her head up to look at him, but he’s still facing towards her desk. “Excuse me?”

“We can’t do this again. It was a mistake,” he repeats, still staring hard at her desk.

“At least have the decency to look at me when you’re saying I’m a mistake, Aaron,” JJ’s tone is colder than she intended, but she can feel everything starting to fall down around her. She wasn’t exactly expecting him to proclaim his love for her from the mountain tops, but she’d thought that they might be finally starting to get somewhere. That maybe they might be able to talk about the _potential_ for something more to happen between them; they were both obviously attracted to each other, and they’d been able to prove over the last few months that they could work together just fine without anyone suspecting that their personal relationship had changed at all. But now she was apparently a _mistake_?

He turns around to face her, but still avoids making eye contact. “Nothing’s changed, JJ. I’m still technically married, I’m a lot older than you, and I’m your boss. We agreed back in December that this wasn’t going to change anything. I made a mistake tonight, but that still stands.” He pauses, before his voice goes soft and quiet, “I’m sorry.”

JJ just looks at him and waits, but he still refuses to make eye contact. She feels like an idiot, and she shouldn’t have allowed herself to get her hopes up. He’s right; they agreed that nothing was going to change between them. She knows, on some level, that he’s trying to protect her, but right now she just feels angry and sad. Angry that he doesn’t seem to think they’re worth trying, and sad that this is it. They might have agreed that nothing was going to change, but she knows that this _is_ going to change everything now.

She needs to not be here. All JJ can think of is getting home to her apartment, burrowing into her bed, and shutting out the world for a few hours.

She grabs her bag from the side of her desk then turns to the door, but pauses before she walks out. “Goodnight, Hotch,” JJ says quietly, before she leaves him standing in the middle of her office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for leaving it there? The next chapter will be up in a few days, don't worry. 
> 
> Don't forget to subscribe to either the story or me so that you get notified when the chapters go up! And if you want to follow me on [tumblr](http://oddlyfamiliar.tumblr.com/), please feel free :)


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Aaron’s angry. 

He knows he fucked up. He panicked when they almost got caught in JJ’s office; he doesn’t much care about his own reputation, in fact he’s pretty sure that any rumours about him and JJ would probably _improve_ his reputation, but he knows exactly what they’d say about JJ and he refuses to put her in that position. He knows how hard she’s worked, and how good she is at her job, and he won’t let her career and reputation be ruined by accusations of sleeping her way up the FBI. 

No matter how much he wants her, he knows it was a mistake for him to give in to his desires like that. She made it clear, back in December, that she didn’t want anything to change between them, and then he went and royally fucked it all up by falling in love with her and then taking things too far in her office. She’s been nothing but professional with him since, and he’s pretty sure that no one else on the team knows anything that’s happened between them, but he’s still angry with himself nonetheless. 

If he’s being honest with himself though, he’s mostly angry because he can’t stop thinking about her. He’s got enough going on in his life, what with everything going on with Haley and the divorce and her not letting him see Jack as often as he wants to, but he just can’t stop thinking about JJ through it all. Especially their last time together. He’s so frustrated with himself because every time he starts thinking of her, he remembers what she looked like with his come spilling out of her, and the noise that burst out of her throat as he slid his thumb inside her, and how wet and slick she felt under him. 

And he’s angry with himself because he knows that if Garcia hadn’t interrupted, he’d have fucked her again, bare, and he would have added to his come already inside her. He hadn’t gone soft for a long time after he’d fucked her, and even just thinking about it gets him hard again every time. At night, his dreams run through a loop of kissing her and holding her and fucking her, right the way through to watching as her belly gets bigger as she carries his child, and then every morning when he wakes up he has to take an extra ten minutes in the shower so he can jerk off to the memories of her, while he’s filled with guilt. 

He doesn’t know what to do, how to fix things, and he knows he’s starting to take it out on everyone around him. He suspects that the reason he's going on this interview with Reid is because Rossi, who had originally been scheduled to attend with him, backed out at the last minute so he wouldn't be stuck in a car for hours with him. 

Thankfully, Reid doesn't feel the need to keep up a conversation like Rossi would have, so the drive there is relatively calm. It's not until they're inside the prison that he can feel his anger bubbling to the surface again. Haley has been chasing him for an answer on whether or not he's going to contest the terms of the divorce and he can feel his cell vibrating once again in his pocket. He glances quickly at the caller ID and hits ignore when he sees her name, the same as he has done the last three times she's called in the past hour. As usual, the second he thinks about Haley, he thinks about JJ, and is then consumed once again with guilt. He doesn't even know exactly what he feels guilty about; he and Haley were officially separated, and she’d served him with the divorce papers, before anything had happened with JJ, and yet that guilty feeling lingers. 

He and Reid make their way through the prison quickly and are escorted to the assistant warden’s office by a guard. He should be thinking about the upcoming interview, running through his knowledge of Chester Hardwick’s case file, and yet his mind is still focused on JJ. As though he's managed to summon her by thought alone, his cell vibrates again, only this time it’s JJ calling and not Haley. 

He answers straight away, worried about why she’d be calling when she knows he and Reid are about to conduct this interview. When she tells him Haley has called her, that guilty feeling swoops straight back into his stomach. The fact that Haley had tried JJ tells him a lot about how angry Haley is right now; she’d always hated that he’d drop anything to answer the phone to JJ, and towards the end of their marriage she’d insinuated several times that there must have been something going on between the two of them. The fact that she must have picked up on his feelings for JJ before he even fully realized them himself is unnerving enough, without having the additional knowledge that he has now, technically, cheated on her with JJ. Even if their marriage has been over for almost six months now, they’re still, in the eyes of the law, husband and wife until he signs the papers. He ends the call with JJ as quickly as he can, his guilt mixing with his frustration and anger, and he can feel himself take it out on Reid.

He tries to get his emotions back in check when the assistant warden enters the room, but there's something about him that immediately sets Aaron off, and he knows that JJ would usually sense his frustration and jump in at this point to take over the talking, except she's not here and even if she was, Aaron isn't certain that she'd rescue him any more.

\---&\---

By the time they’re back in the car again, Aaron’s anger has faded slightly. He’d been an idiot back in the prison, and it had almost led to a physical confrontation which could have put Reid in harm’s way. His guilt is still out in full force, but now he mostly just feels deflated and discontent. He needs to get his shit together and deal with his issues instead of letting his emotions control him, and he knows he needs to start by apologising to Reid.

“It was smart to get Hardwick to focus on himself long enough for the guards to come back,” he says, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.

“I find that I do some of my best work under intense terror,” Reid jokes, but Aaron knows that he needs to properly apologise to him; he could see how scared Reid was in the prison, and while he’s reasonably certain that he’d have been able to subdue Hardwick, he shouldn’t have put Reid in such a vulnerable position to begin with.

“I’m sorry.”

Reid seems genuinely confused. “For what?”

“I antagonised the situation,” Aaron admits, knowing that there were about a thousand ways he could have handled things better.

“No, you didn’t,” Reid tries to say, but Aaron knows he’s just trying to protect his feelings.

“Well I certainly didn’t help.”

Reid just makes a small noise in agreement. “Yeah, I guess you really didn’t help.”

Aaron sighs, and knows that he should open up more to Reid, but it’s hard. He’s not usually the kind of guy to share what’s going on in his head, unless he’s talking with Dave or JJ, but he really doesn’t want to open this door with either of them. Particularly not with JJ. He needs to get some of the things on his mind out in the open though before he bursts, and he definitely can’t talk to Reid about everything that’s happening with JJ. He can talk about the divorce, though. Who knows, maybe Reid could offer some helpful insight. “So, Haley wants me to sign the divorce papers uncontested, so nobody wastes money on lawyers.”

There’s a pause while Reid thinks, clearly surprised that Aaron has actually shared something personal, before he speaks in a quiet voice. “You don’t want to?”

Aaron has a flash of pain go through him as he thinks about what he wants. He pictures JJ curled up on the sofa with Jack wrapped around her middle and a small bundle in her arms, and he could almost cry at how futile his dreams are. “What I want, I’m not gonna get.”

The conversation dies off after that, and Aaron settles into deep thought. He knows what he wants; a life with JJ. A family with her and Jack. He has no idea what she wants, but he knows the first step towards even attempting anything with her is to finally end his marriage with Haley. He’ll sign the papers when they get back to the office and send them straight back to her lawyer. It’s the least he can do for her, for the sacrifices he made in their marriage for his job. 

And then he needs to work out how to fix things with JJ. It’s been two months since they were together in her office. Two months since she’s spoken to him, voluntarily, about anything other than work. Two months since they’ve worked side by side, pulling late-nighters and weekends as they make their way through paperwork. Two months since he’d last touched her.

Aaron has no idea how to go about fixing things with her, but he knows he needs to start getting his life back together by fixing things with Haley and with Jack. So he’ll focus on that first, and then he’ll come up with a plan for how to convince JJ to try being in a relationship with him.

He just hopes he’s not too late.

\---&\---

Over the next few weeks he starts to get his life back in order. He signs the divorce papers, and afterwards he finds that Haley is much more willing to be flexible with arrangements for him to see Jack more often. And he tries to work out what to do about JJ. He knows what he wants now; to be with her, regardless of the consequences to himself. But he needs to know how she feels about him, and whether or not it’s a risk that she wants to take, too. So he decides to take his time, to approach this slowly, so that he can try to get a read on how she feels first.

It’s been months since they’ve worked alone together, just the two of them in the office. They used to end up both working out of one office during the weekends; needing to get work done, but appreciating each others’ company. Aaron had been hoping that she’d start coming back in again, now that things seem to be improving minutely between them, but every Friday that they’re not on a case, she notifies him that she’ll either be away from work this weekend or sometimes even out of the state. He assumes that she’s visiting her family back home, but it worries him. He knows he needs to start rebuilding their friendship before he can even approach her about their romantic relationship, but he’s not sure how to go about it when the rest of the team are always hovering just out of sight.

It’s not until they’re back on the jet, heading off to Miami to investigate the murders of some tourists, that he decides he’s just going to have to try to get her alone whenever he can, even if they’re on a case, because he can’t keep letting this drag on any longer. He knows how badly he hurt her, back when Garcia almost caught them, and even though he did it to try to protect her, he knows he needs to make amends for it. He needs to let her know how he really feels, because there’s no way that someone as amazing as her will wait around forever for a guy like him. Assuming, of course, that she even feels the same way. Aaron tells himself that she wouldn’t have been so hurt if she didn’t feel _something_ , but he’s still unsure. He’s not going to let another week go by without finding out though. He’s decided that as soon as there’s an opportunity to get her alone, providing it doesn’t endanger the case, he’s going to talk to her about their relationship.

Which is why, of course, as soon as they arrive at the precinct, Detective William LaMontagne, Jr from New Orleans arrives and shoots a gaping hole in Aaron’s plans. It’s immediately apparent that JJ is feeling awkward and uncomfortable with his presence, but it’s also just as obvious that LaMontagne is utterly in love with her. Aaron wonders if he looks at JJ the same way that the Detective does, and if so, how none of the team have realized how he feels about her yet. 

As far as Aaron’s aware, it’s been about a year since JJ broke up with him, except there’s something about their interaction that throws him. It certainly doesn’t seem like the first time they’ve met up with each other since then, but they’re hitting the ground running on this case, so he tries to push those thoughts to the back of his mind and he concentrates instead on finding their unsub.

He doesn’t get an opportunity to talk to JJ until they’ve closed the case and taken the unsub into custody. Every time he’s tried to get her alone, Detective LaMontagne has been there as well. Except now JJ is standing near the desk she’s been using in the middle of the bullpen, and there’s no one else around. Aaron is about to step into the room when he notices JJ pick up the bag filled with Charles Luvet’s badge and gun, then walk to the other side of the room. 

Aaron suddenly realizes that he was wrong. JJ isn’t alone; Detective LaMontagne is standing there, looking exhausted, and waiting for her to pass the items over. He can’t quite hear what they’re saying, and he doesn’t want to step closer to find out, but he’s relieved when the Detective walks away from JJ and starts to leave the precinct.

Before Aaron can walk over to JJ though, Prentiss appears and speaks to her. Whatever it is she says has JJ suddenly moving, and Aaron has a sinking feeling in his stomach as he watches JJ catch up to LaMontagne. He can barely see them from this angle, and he has no idea what she’s saying to him, except LaMontagne is suddenly kissing her and she’s kissing him back, and Aaron can feel his entire world fall down around him.

He barely hears his team comment about how they’d been waiting for JJ to admit to the relationship, and that it’s been going on for a _year_ , because he’s already moving. He needs to get out of here. He was such an idiot to think that she could ever have feelings for him. It’s obvious now that he was some kind of rebound, a pit stop in her relationship with LaMontagne. She’s possibly the love of his goddamn life, and all he was to her was a moment of weakness during a dark point in her relationship with the Detective.

Aaron walks out of the precinct and doesn’t look back.

\---&\---

He doesn’t deal with his emotions very well over the next few weeks. He tries to stay as polite as possible to everyone, but his anger is back and it’s on a short fuse. He distances himself from the team as much as possible, so that it’s not quite as obvious that it’s JJ he’s avoiding. He keeps sabotaging himself though. He can’t stop watching her, his eyes always finding her straight away, no matter what room they’re in. He knows that Dave suspects something is wrong, something other than his divorce, so he works doubly hard to avoid him as well. Aaron doesn’t know what he might give away if Dave starts questioning him about his behavior.

Possibly the worst part about all of this is that JJ seems happy. She has a glow about her that keeps drawing him in, and he hates it because she looks so stunning that all he wants to do is wrap her up in his arms and keep her, except he can’t. It’s obvious that she’s in love, and as much as Aaron loves the way it makes her look, he hates the fact that it’s not _him_ that she loves.

Even meeting back up with Kate in New York after so many years, despite the circumstances, doesn’t break him out of his melancholy. He’s missed her; they used to work well together, and she could always make him laugh, but he’d forgotten how much she looks like Haley and it throws him momentarily. He can hear JJ mutter behind him about the resemblance, and he resists the urge to react. He knows exactly what the team is thinking, about how he clearly has a type, and he wonders just how oblivious they can be; how they can spot Kate from across the room and decide that of course Aaron could be attracted to her, but work every day with him and JJ and not realize the depths of his feelings for her. 

Aaron has to admit that he has a split second where he considers whether he should start something with Kate. She’d always made it very clear that she’d be interested, should he ever find himself single, but he can’t bring himself to seriously consider it. Yes, she’s attractive, and yes, he gets along well with her… but she’s not JJ. He’s very much aware of how pathetic he sounds, even if it’s only in his own mind, but he just can’t let go of her yet. Even in the middle of a case, there’s still a part of his mind that’s always on her.

So of course that’s when Detective LaMontagne turns up at their hotel unannounced. 

Reid notices him first and nods over to where he’s sitting while getting JJ’s attention. Aaron can’t see her face, but he can see the tension suddenly gather in her shoulders, and he really doesn’t think he can deal with watching them together after the day he’s had.

Aaron forces himself to be polite and holds a hand out to LaMontagne. “Detective,” he says in greeting.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this, I know you’re working,” LaMontagne offers, but Aaron isn’t paying attention to him. JJ is shifting nervously by Aaron’s side, as though she’s uncomfortable watching them interact, and it takes him a second to realize that LaMontagne is still talking. “But, um, I can’t stand you being on this case, not with what’s going on,” he says directly to JJ. 

Aaron has that sinking feeling in his stomach again, and he’s learned over the years to trust his instincts. He sees JJ shake her head minutely at LaMontagne, and it’s clear that there’s something else going on here. “Is there a problem?” Aaron asks, looking between JJ and LaMontagne, and even though he needs to know what’s happening he already knows he’s not going to like the answer.

JJ lets out a quiet noise and glances at him quickly before turning around to face the rest of the team. “I- I’m pregnant.”

Aaron can’t stop staring at her. There’s a rushing noise in his ears and he feels like his legs could give way under him at any moment.

She hasn’t looked at him yet.

JJ’s pregnant.

With someone else’s child.

He hears Prentiss offer her congratulations, but Aaron is lost and doesn’t know what to do. His shock must show on his face, because LaMontagne tries to engage him in conversation.

“I’ve asked JJ to marry me,” LaMontagne says, as Aaron shakes his hand automatically, but he doesn’t have chance to respond to that bombshell before JJ turns away from Prentiss and Reid.

“Will,” she says sharply, but Aaron can’t concentrate. He can’t focus. He needs to get out of here; he can’t watch this.

“We’re working out some kinks,” LaMontagne adds, and Aaron _has to go_.

“We’ll give you both some privacy,” he says, realizing that JJ is looking at him for the first time since she just broke his heart all over again. Aaron hadn’t thought it was possible for it to break any further, but there must have still been a shred of hope that JJ’s relationship with LaMontagne would run its course soon. Except now she’s having a child with him, and Aaron can’t stand here and look happy for them. He turns to leave, intent on finding a large bottle of whiskey to help drown out the pain of seeing them together.

“Hotch,” JJ calls after him, and even now he can’t ignore her.

“JJ, you could have told me,” he begins as he turns around to face her, but even as he says it he knows why she didn’t. He pushed her away; he isn’t entitled to know about her personal life anymore.

“I know,” she says softly, and Aaron almost thinks he sees a look of regret in her eyes, but she blinks and it’s gone.

“If you need to take some time…” he trails off, wondering whether or not it would be the best thing. To have some distance from her.

She just looks him straight in the eye. “I wanna be here.”

If she’d looked at him like that a few months ago, he would have told himself that it was proof of her feelings for him. It _looks_ as though she’s saying she wants to stay here with him. Except he knows now that he’s just reading too much into the expression. He’s projecting his own wants onto her. Because she doesn’t love him. She doesn’t love him and she’s having a child with another man.

He doesn’t know what to say to her. How to tell her that he loves her, and that she’s making a mistake with LaMontagne, and that he wants to raise a family with her. So instead, he mutters a quick okay and tells her to be ready for 7am, then turns around and walks away.

She doesn’t follow him again.

\---&\---

They’re finally starting to get somewhere on the case. They all have their leads to chase down, and Aaron is perversely grateful that he has something to focus all of his attention on, instead of wallowing about his personal life. He’s on hold on the phone while trying to run through what steps they need to take next when he hears one of the officers call out JJ’s name and pass her a package.

He tunes out the hold music in his ear and automatically turns to watch her, his mind always half on her whenever they’re in a room together. He watches as Reid walks over and talks to JJ about whatever was in the envelope, but the sudden voice in his ear stops him from being able to listen. He quickly finishes the call and walks over to them, aware that something big is happening. 

Aaron joins them just in time to hear Reid ask, confused, “He’s quitting his job?”

JJ turns towards him. “Do you need everyone in the field?”

Aaron is suddenly aware of the power he holds in this situation. He could be petty and demand that JJ stay and perform her duties…

But he already knows that he can’t do anything to hurt her. Not again. She’s obviously made her choice, and he wants her to be happy. Even if that isn’t with him.

“Reid, you can go brief Port Authority, please, by yourself. JJ, you run point from the office,” he says, and Reid immediately turns to go, leaving him alone with JJ. “Why don’t you go back to the hotel, tell Will what’s going on, and then get back here straight away.”

JJ gives him a small smile. “Yes, sir.”

“And JJ,” he continues, softly. She turns to him. “Congratulations.”

She walks away from him and Aaron gets back to work, steadfastly ignoring everything other than what he needs to do to get the case closed. 

It’s not long before Kate joins him and they turn to walk out of the precinct together, on their way to talk to the mayor. He can’t let his personal life interfere with the case right now, so he refuses to think about JJ.

He’s only thinking about what they need to do next, and how they can identify and stop a terrorist attack.

Then Kate’s car explodes and his world suddenly goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! Don't forget to subscribe, and feel free to chat to me in the comments or on [tumblr](http://oddlyfamiliar.tumblr.com/) if you want! :)


	4. Chapter 4 & Epilogue

**CHAPTER 4**

JJ can barely stop to breathe. She heard on the radio about the explosion, and she can’t get Hotch on the phone. She’s tried everyone else on the team since then, and not a single call is going through. But she heard them say that the explosion was near the Federal Plaza and she knows that’s where Hotch and Kate were last and she _can’t get him on the phone_.

It’s like everything else has come to a standstill. She knows that she should be focused on the big picture, on what the unsubs are planning and how the team is going to catch them, but her brain is stuck on one thing: _Aaron_. She needs to know that he’s okay, that he’s alive, and that she’s going to see him again. It hits her that in possibly their last moments together, he was sending her to be with Will. She could see how devastated he looked, and it was killing her at the time, but she just didn’t know what to do. Will’s the father of her child and he loves her, and she chose to stay with him… but all of that seems meaningless right now in the face of the possibility that she might never see Hotch again.

The next hour rushes by in a torrent of horror. Hotch is alive but clearly injured, and Kate is dying on the ground in front of him. While the rest of the team try to work out what’s going on, JJ is on the phone to every contact she has in every department that might matter, in the vain hope that anyone has some information that might help. Through it all, she keeps one eye on the CCTV footage that she convinced Penelope to send through to her laptop. It’s not a live feed, but it’s only delayed by a few minutes, and JJ needs to be able to see Hotch. She needs to be able to see that he’s alive and moving.

She almost can’t watch him screaming out for help, but she knows that she needs to. She can’t take her eyes off him for longer than a few seconds, just in case something happens to him.

After everything is over, after they’ve stopped the bomb in the hospital and Kate has died and Derek has survived, JJ realizes that that was the moment. When she was staring at that screen and praying to anyone that would listen… that’s the moment when she realized that she was still in love with Hotch. 

It’s the moment when she realizes that she can’t be with Will.

And it’s the moment when she finally pays attention to the voice in the back of her mind, the one that’s been whispering all along that this baby could be Hotch’s.

When she gets back to Virginia, the first thing she does is contact her doctor. She doesn’t even tell Will that she’s landed, she just tells the receptionist that it’s urgent that she see her OB/GYN as soon as possible.

For the first time in days, JJ is in luck. There’s a cancellation that’s just opened up an appointment in ninety minutes, so JJ tells the team that she needs to go, and she barely looks back.

It doesn’t take long for her doctor to inform her that it’s entirely possible that the baby was conceived three weeks earlier than initially calculated. Apparently it’s not an exact science, and the only way to tell for certain would be a paternity test, but JJ _knows_. Deep in her gut, she just knows that she’s carrying Hotch’s child.

She can’t say anything to him about this yet though. He’s grieving and injured, and she has no idea what he wants; whether he could want her or their baby.

But she knows that she has to break up with Will and tell him that he might not be the father.

It’s only fair.

JJ just has no idea how she’s going to do it.

\---&\---

“Hey, is everyone okay?” Will asks when she walks in the front door, and he must see something in her expression because he hurries over to her and ushers her towards the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

“Will, I…” JJ starts, but she has no idea how to do this. She knows she’s going to break his heart, and in some ways she wishes that he wasn’t such a great guy. It might make this easier. She takes a deep breath and finally meets his eyes, and she can see that he knows something bad is about to happen. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what, cher? If this is about what I said with us getting married and all, then we can wait, don’t worry,” Will grabs her hands as though he’s trying desperately to hold onto her, and JJ needs to get this over with, because she can’t take the pain in his eyes.

“I can’t do _us_ , Will. I’m so sorry, I just... “ JJ trails off, tries to work out how to say what she means. “You’re an amazing guy, but I can’t… I’m not in love with you, Will. I can’t be with you when I know I’m not in love with you.”

Will flinches at her words, but she can see that he’s still trying to hold out hope for their relationship. “It’s okay, JJ, I love you enough for both of us right now; for all three of us,” he gestures to her growing bump, and JJ needs to just rip the bandaid off before this gets any worse.

“Will,” she interrupts him just as he opens his mouth to carry on speaking. “I’m in love with someone else. And there’s a chance the baby might be his.”

It’s as though she just slapped him in the face. He recoils and drops her hands, and she can see the utter devastation and betrayal on his face.

“Have you been cheatin’ on me?”

“No!” JJ hurries to correct his assumption. “No, I was with him before you and I got back together. At first the doctor gave me a conception date that fell just after we got back together and I didn’t question it, but I kept having a nagging feeling so I went back to the doctor and he confirmed that the baby could be his.”

“Are you leaving me to be with him?” Will looks like his entire world has fallen down around him, and JJ wishes that things could be different. That she could have loved him the way he deserves.

“No. He doesn’t know how I feel, and I have no idea how he feels about me,” JJ looks down at her hands as they rest on her lap and wonders, for the millionth time since the explosion, how Hotch is doing. “But I know that I can’t be with you while I’m in love with someone else. It’s not fair on anyone.”

He just nods quietly, as though he understands exactly what she means and already forgives her for breaking his heart, and JJ wishes that she’d never allowed her fear of loneliness to push her back to him in Miami. Maybe then he could have had a clean break from her, instead of this. 

Will looks up at her, and she can tell that he’s gearing himself up to ask a big question. “Do I know him?”

JJ must flinch, because Will just laughs mirthlessly.

“It’s Hotch, isn’t it?” Will stands and walks away from her, before turning back to wait for an answer.

The answer must be written all across JJ’s face, because Will just turns away from her again and stands there. She can see him taking a few steadying breaths before he turns back to her, and his expression is filled with sadness.

“I always knew there was something between the two of you. Even back when we first met--”

“Nothing had happened between us then, Will. He was still married when you and I met in New Orleans,” JJ interrupts, needing to make sure Will doesn’t think Hotch had cheated on Haley.

Will just gives her a wry smile. “He might have been married, Jay, but I could still see there was something between the two of you. And then after we got back together, when I saw him in Miami, he looked… jealous. And a little heartbroken. I tried to put it down to his divorce, but Jay, the way he looks at you, it drives me crazy,” he pauses a second before correcting himself, “ _used_ to drive me crazy. I guess I don’t have that right anymore.”

“Will…” JJ trails off. She has no idea what to say to him. Will just slowly nods his head at her; he has no idea what to say now either. He walks back over to sit down on the sofa next to her, and they both look down at their own hands. The weight of the silence between them feels like it’s crushing JJ.

“What if the baby’s mine?” Will finally asks, looking up at her.

“I’d never keep them away from you, don’t worry. I guess we’d work out some kind of custody agreement?” JJ tries to reassure him. “If you’re the father, then I’d want you to be in their life. They can do paternity tests before the birth, but there’s risks involved, so I think it would be best to wait.”

Will nods at her, before reaching over to hold her hand again. “Yeah, we can wait to find out. And I know that you’re saying we can’t be together either way, but I’d like to stick around at least until the baby’s born if that’s alright with you? I want to make sure that you’re both okay.”

God, JJ hates herself so much right now. Life would be so much simpler if she could love Will the same way he loves her. She sighs. “You don’t have to, Will. But if you want to, then that’d be okay with me.”

He gives her a soft smile and lets go of her hand again. “Does Hotch know he might be the father?”

“No; he’s going through so much right now, I can’t drop that on him as well. He’s just been blown up and his friend died, I can’t… I just can’t tell him right now.”

“Jay, he needs to know,” Will frowns at her, and JJ can’t believe that they’re talking about this. A few moments ago Will was happy in their relationship, believing that he had a baby coming soon with the woman he loved, and now he’s lecturing her about telling another man he could be the father.

“I’ll talk to him soon. I just need some time,” she says, before standing up and gesturing towards the bedroom. “I think I need to rest for a little while.”

Will just nods at her, still a little lost in his own thoughts. JJ walks into the bedroom she’s been sharing with him, and shuts her eyes while she leans back against the closed door.

She needs to work out how to tell Hotch. She just needs a little time.

\---&\---

The baby is due in three weeks and JJ still hasn’t spoken to Hotch.

She’s been trying to work out how to approach him for months, and she’s been trying to work out how he feels about her, but it’s been difficult. He’s been a little more closed off since New York. JJ doesn’t know if it’s because of his injuries, because of Kate dying, or because he believes she’s pregnant with Will’s child. For all she knows, it could be a combination of all three.

JJ is aware that she’s being a coward about this, and that time is rapidly running out in order to talk to him about this, but she’s scared. She’s scared that he won’t want anything to do with her, but she’s also a little bit scared that he might actually want to be with her. Even though he hurt her when he pushed her away, JJ thinks she understands why he did it. She knows how protective Hotch can be, and if the bureau had found out they were sleeping together then she knows it would probably have ruined her career, maybe Hotch’s too. 

Except, three weeks away from the birth of her baby, possibly _their_ baby, those kind of reasons seem like such a stupid thing. No matter how many times Will had brought it up, she’s always maintained that she would never leave her job for him. But if it meant possibly being with Hotch… if he wants her as much as she wants him, and they had a chance of being a family with their baby and with Jack, then JJ would seriously consider it. She could transfer to another department, or they could look into having someone else be her supervisor. Hell, she’d consider leaving the bureau altogether if she had to.

Just the fact that she’s even considering any of those options terrifies her even more, because she would never have considered any of them an option if she was still with Will.

She just needs to work up the courage to talk to Hotch.

After the rest of the team get back from Vegas. 

She knows that Hotch is worried about Reid, and she doesn’t want to split his focus. So she’ll definitely talk to him after they’re back.

Her mind made up, she puts all of her focus back on the screen in front of her, but she can’t stop shifting a little in her seat. God, she’d been told how uncomfortable being pregnant could be, especially towards the end, but today is almost unbearable. She can’t sit still for more than a few minutes before the aches and pains in her body are forcing her to shift, to find a more comfortable position. She’s aware that she keeps stroking her belly comfortingly, trying to get the baby to settle, but it’s no good. 

It’s not until the pains start to get more urgent and sharper that she realises what’s happening. 

She’s going into labor.

Three weeks early.

The gut feeling that she’s had since she found out she was pregnant just intensifies. It could be a coincidence that the baby is early, but JJ just _knows_ it’s more likely another sign that she’s right; that this baby is Hotch’s. She knows she needs to tell him _now_ , but she has no idea how to start the conversation. How is she supposed to just blurt out “oh, by the way, the kid might be yours… can you take me to the hospital now?”

There’s a sudden flurry of activity when the girls realize that she’s in labor, and JJ is practically being carried through to the bullpen. JJ watches as Hotch stops everything and announces that he’s going to get the car, but it’s not until Emily and Pen are guiding her towards the elevators, and Pen stops suddenly to say that she needs to call Will that JJ realizes that she’s going to have to come clean and tell everyone _right now_. 

“No, wait, don’t call him,” she says, coming to a stop as another contraction rocks through her. She can see Hotch stop in his tracks and turn towards her in surprise.

Penelope just looks confused. “I think he probably needs to know that his baby is on the way, sweetie.”

JJ just closes her eyes briefly and decides to get it over with. “We’re not together anymore. And the baby might not be his.”

Hotch completely freezes in place and stares at her, and even though she can hear both Emily and Penelope asking questions, her entire focus is on the man in front of her. He takes a small hesitant step towards her before pausing again, a tiny hopeful smile starting to form on his face. He raises his eyebrows at her, clearly asking The Question.

JJ bites her lip and gives him a tiny nod, completely unnoticed by the girls while they’re still asking questions a mile a minute. Hotch looks completely floored, but a grin suddenly bursts across his face, and JJ allows herself to hope for the first time in a long time that they might actually be able to fix all of this.

“JJ!” Penelope practically yells in her face to get her attention.

“Pen, I’m a little bit busy giving birth. I promise I’ll explain everything later,” JJ offers, before another contraction hits and she grabs hold of Emily’s arm, gripping tight.

“Ow ow owww,” Emily squirms under the grip, and JJ tries to let go and apologise, but she’s in so much pain right now that she can’t move. She’s vaguely aware of Hotch walking right up to her and wrapping an arm around her, before disengaging her grip on Emily’s arm and holding both of her hands in one of his.

“Garcia, can you stay here and keep Reid, Rossi, and Morgan in the loop? Prentiss, come with me, we’re getting her to the hospital,” Hotch’s tone makes it clear that there’s no room for negotiation, and even though she can see Pen hesitate in the corner of her eye, she knows that everyone will do as they’re told.

Hotch helps her get to the elevator and when they’re inside, he pulls her close and lets her lean against him slightly. JJ knows they need to talk about this, but given the look on his face and his actions, JJ has a good feeling for once. Hotch lets go of her hands for a moment and reaches into his pocket before throwing his keys to Emily.

“Here, you drive and I’ll sit in the back with JJ,” Hotch says, and both JJ and Emily whip their heads round to him in shock. Other than when he’s been seriously injured, JJ is pretty certain she’s never seen anyone else drive Hotch’s car. He’s normally the driver whenever they’re out on cases, and JJ can’t even remember the last time she saw him be a passenger in a car. 

Emily is just looking at Hotch with a frown on her face. “Are you sure--”

“Have you ever helped someone through labor before?” Hotch interrupts Emily, and JJ can feel him tighten his hold on her slightly as the elevator doors finally open and he starts to guide her across the parking garage towards his car.

“No, but--”

“Emily, she’ll crush your hand. It’s better if I’m in the back with her. Just make sure you drive safely,” Hotch explains, and JJ can feel her face heat up slightly at how possessive his tone sounds. If she wasn’t currently in a lot of pain she’d be examining her reaction to that a little more closely, but for now she’s going to concentrate on getting to the hospital.

\---&\---

So far, JJ has been in labor for about six hours, and she’s more than ready for this to be over. Obviously she wants to hold her baby in her arms, but mostly she just really needs for the pain to stop. She grabs hold of Hotch’s arm again as another contraction rocks through her, and _god_ she’s so tired already. The doctors have already said that she’s still got a way to go yet before she’s fully dilated, but JJ isn’t sure how she’s supposed to last much longer.

And to make matters worse, she hasn’t been able to get Hotch alone to talk to him. Emily is hovering in the background, clearly with no idea what to do, but wanting to be there to support her friend. Normally JJ would love her for that, but she needs to talk to Hotch alone, so JJ tries to think of a way to have Emily leave for a little while. Suddenly, an idea occurs to her.

“Em, could you do me a favor?” JJ looks over to her, and sees Emily immediately snap to attention, ready to do whatever is needed. “Could you go to my apartment for me and get my other bag? Everything I need is already packed; it’s in the hallway closet.”

“Yeah, of course. Is there anything else you need me to pick up while I’m out?” Emily checks, before reaching to grab her keys. JJ sees the sudden realization rush across Emily’s face that they aren’t her keys and that she doesn’t actually have her own car here, and JJ knows that Hotch sees it at the same time.

“It’s fine, use my car,” he says immediately, before turning back to focus on JJ. 

Over Hotch’s shoulder, JJ can see Emily raise an eyebrow at her, clearly trying to silently ask what’s going on with him, but JJ just raises a shoulder at her as though she has no idea. Emily grabs her things and heads out, and now JJ is all alone with Hotch.

“So, we should probably talk,” JJ starts, before hesitating. She has no idea where to begin.

Hotch nods at her. “What happened with Will?”

JJ takes a deep breath to gather her courage. “We ended things a few months ago,” Hotch looks startled at that, and JJ knows he’s surprised that this happened so long ago. “After everything that happened in New York, I told him that I couldn’t be with him when I was in love with someone else.”

Hotch looks stunned, and JJ holds her breath a little while she waits to see how he responds. He lifts a hand hesitantly and hovers it over her swollen belly. He looks at her, hope in his eyes, and JJ just nods at him. He gently strokes his hand across her skin, over their unborn child, and JJ feels like she could cry at the emotions so clearly on display on his face.

“I don’t know when I first started to fall in love with you, but the first time it really hit me was that night we were together last December; when Haley had served me with the divorce papers,” he whispers, and JJ feels like her heart is going to burst.

He loves her.

Their moment is ruined when another contraction hits and she grabs hold of his hand and squeezes tight. Another moment later, when the worst of it has passed, she looks at him and is stunned at the love in his eyes.

“When I first found out I was pregnant, the doctors thought I’d conceived after Will and I got together. And I was still hurting after…” JJ trails off as Hotch looks down, guilt clearly stopping him from meeting her eyes, “so I didn’t think anything of it at first. I tried to make things work with Will. But then, in New York, I just… I realized that I was still so in love with you. I told Will that we couldn’t be together, and I went back to the doctors to ask them to double check the dates. They couldn’t say for certain, but it’s definitely possible that you’re the father.”

“God, JJ, I’ve been such an idiot; I pushed you away and I’ve been regretting it ever since. Even if… even if the baby isn’t mine, I still want to be with you. I still want us to be a family,” he strokes across her stomach again as he says it, and JJ can feel the grin burst across her face.

“We’ll get the test run as soon as he makes his appearance, but I want the same. I want us to be together, no matter what.”

Hotch just grins back at her. “He? We’re having a boy?”

“I don’t know for sure, but I think so, yeah.” JJ nods her head at him, and grins against his mouth when he surges forward to kiss her. It’s been so long since they’ve kissed, and JJ quickly feels herself get lost in his touch, right up until another contraction takes over and she’s back to holding onto him to get through the pain.

He stays holding onto her for hours, barely leaving her side, even when Emily gets back.

A few hours later, JJ is holding the most perfect baby she’s ever seen in her arms. Looking at his face, she knows that no matter what happens, as long as her baby is okay, everything else will work out fine.

 

**EPILOGUE**

JJ rocks Henry gently back and forth while she waits for Garcia to get back with his bottle. The last few weeks have passed in a blur, and in some ways it doesn’t seem real. She’s utterly exhausted yet unbelievably happy, and even with the huge amount of uncertainty hanging over their heads, JJ wouldn’t change a thing. 

It’s been a week since she and Hotch officially informed Strauss of the change in their relationship, and a few days since the professional conduct review board adjourned to make a decision about their futures within the bureau. JJ has no idea what’s going to happen, but she knows that she and Aaron will deal with it when they need to. For now, they’re focusing on enjoying their time together as a family. JJ moved in with Aaron shortly after Henry was born, and they spoke to Haley, and then Jack, together. As a team. JJ’s had a lot of difficult conversations with people over the years, but telling Haley that she and Aaron were dating and had a child together was definitely one of the most uncomfortable. Haley’s had some time to adjust now though, and so has Jack, and JJ can’t wait for Jack to stay with them this weekend so that he can get to know his baby brother.

“What are you doing here?” Reid suddenly interrupts her thoughts, and JJ turns to see the team walking into the room.

“JJ!” Emily looks delighted to see them both as she drops her bag by the door and walks over.

“Garcia said you guys were on your way back tonight; thought you could use a surprise,” JJ explains as she tilts Henry slightly so the team can see him properly. She watches on, grinning, as the team all make soft noises of welcome to Henry.

“I thought I gave you strict orders to get this place out of your head for a while?” Aaron folds his arms and looks disapprovingly at her, and JJ feels her heart swell with affection as she looks at him. They’ve been trying to decide when the right time is to tell the team; Aaron wanted to yell about their relationship from the rooftops, whereas JJ had wanted to wait and see what the review board decided first. She doesn’t think she can hide how happy she is for much longer though.

Garcia bursts into the room, and immediately starts apologising for having encouraged JJ to come in. “My bad, I couldn’t help myself,” she says as she pushes her way through the team, Henry’s bottle in hand. “Here, I heated it up. Room temp, right?”

JJ smiles down at Henry’s sleeping face, and answers Aaron’s unasked question about why she’s here. “I just realized that with all that we do and see in this room, I never smiled… I wanted at least one good memory to hold onto.” JJ glances over at Aaron and she knows that they’re both thinking about the possibility that at least one of them might not be staying with the team.

“Excuse me, kid,” Derek says softly as he nudges Spence out of the way so he can stand straight in front of JJ. “Er, JJ… can I?” Derek gestures towards Henry, and JJ is surprised for a second.

“Ah, yeah, of course,” she grins, carefully passing over her baby to him, making sure Derek’s got him before letting go.

“Okay, you’ve gotta hold his head up,” Emily jumps in from JJ’s side, “careful, careful!”

“I got it, I got it,” Derek tries to reassure her, and JJ just laughs and steps back a little as the team all crowd around to micromanage him and make sure Henry’s okay. JJ half listens in to them teasing Derek about Henry not smiling and just having gas, but she’s more focused on moving around the room to stand near Aaron. 

She glances over at him, and notes the expression of pure adoration on his face as he looks at their son. “You’re smiling,” she teases gently.

He just shoots her a look out of the corner of his eye and smiles a little more. “Gas,” he jokes with her, and JJ loves how relaxed he looks right now. “We miss you,” he adds, and JJ just knows that now is the right time to tell the team. They stand there for a few minutes of peace while Derek feeds Henry, but JJ wants to get this done now that she’s decided.

“We should tell them,” she murmurs softly to him so that none of the others can hear. She watches as he nods, still keeping his gaze mostly on Henry in Derek’s arms, and JJ smiles as Aaron takes his jacket off and starts to roll up his sleeves. They’ve started to perfect their routine already; whenever Aaron is home, he’s always the one to calm Henry down when he gets fussy after feeding, so that JJ can take a break.

She heads over to her bag to grab a towel for Aaron to use when he burps Henry, and throws it across the room to him without looking. Their movements are perfectly in sync as Aaron catches the towel, throws it over his shoulder, and then moves to take Henry from Derek at the exact moment their son starts to fuss.

JJ watches them together for a second, and smiles as the guys all hover around, trying to make Henry smile, while Emily and Pen move closer to JJ.

“He looks pretty hot with a baby in his arms,” Garcia murmurs to them both, and JJ just smirks as Emily nods her head in agreement. 

He _does_ look pretty hot, but for JJ her feelings about the scene in front of her go way deeper than just attraction. Watching him holding their son sets something on fire deep inside of her, and she suddenly can’t wait until her doctor-mandated six week “bed rest” is over, and they can touch each other the way they want to, without having to stop before they go too far. Considering that it’s been almost ten months since they last had sex, the few weeks since Henry was born have felt like a lifetime. Aaron catches her eye and smiles softly at her, giving her a tiny nod as he rocks Henry gently, letting her know to go ahead with their news.

“So, I know that you all have some questions,” JJ says, raising her voice slightly so that the guys will turn around and pay attention. She only intends on going through this once.

“Er, yeah, just a few, sweetums,” Penelope states the obvious, “you dropped quite the bombshell on us and then left us hanging for a few weeks.”

JJ just nods her head. “I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell any of you sooner, but there were some things that I needed to work out for myself first.” She looks up at the team watching her expectantly, and tries to work out where to start. “I know that you all think I hid my relationship with Will from you for a year before everything happened in Miami, but that isn’t quite what happened.”

Pen squints her eyes at JJ, trying to work out what she means. “But you started dating him after that case in New Orleans, right?”

“Yes, but we were only together for a few months. Two, maybe three tops,” JJ admits, and she can see how confused the team is. “Then there was someone else. It started last December but it ended, badly, in February. We were both idiots and didn’t realize how the other felt, and I was hurting when Will got back in touch and wanted to try again. So I decided to listen to him. When you all saw us in Miami, we’d only been dating again for a few weeks.”

“So this other guy, he’s Henry’s dad?” Reid pipes up, asking the question that was obviously on everyone’s mind.

“Yeah, we confirmed everything with a paternity test after he was born,” JJ answers, then hesitates for a moment before deciding how to carry on. “When I first found out I was pregnant, the doctor gave me a conception date that fell after Will and I had gotten back together, and I didn’t question it. But I kept having this, this _feeling_ , and then after everything happened in New York I realized that I was still in love with this other guy. I told Will everything, including the fact that he might not be Henry’s dad, and we split up.”

“Did you tell the other guy?” Rossi asks, before getting momentarily distracted by Aaron shifting slightly and moving Henry to lay down in his arms now that he’s stopped fussing.

JJ just winces. “No. There were a lot of other things happening and I needed some time. He didn’t find out until the day Henry was born.”

“Y’know, you seem to be very carefully leaving out an important detail here, Jay,” Emily says, her gaze boring into JJ.

“Yeah, you’re being very deliberate not to mention who this guy is… do we know him?” Derek joins in the questioning, and JJ can’t stop herself from glancing over at Aaron, who is already looking at her like he has cartoon hearts in his eyes.

Before anyone else gets a chance to say anything, everyone jumps as Penelope suddenly bursts, “I _knew_ I was interrupting something between the two of you in your office that time!”

Derek seems to be broken and just keeps looking from JJ to Aaron and back again. “Wait, wait, are you telling us that Hotch… that the two of you-- that Hotch is Henry’s father?”

“Woah, I wanna go back to what Pen apparently saw in JJ’s office,” Emily cuts in, and JJ can feel herself blushing slightly.

“Yes, Aaron is Henry’s dad. And yes, we’re dating each other. We moved in together a few weeks ago,” JJ confirms, walking over to where Aaron is perched on the edge of the conference table and leaning against him. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, and tucks Henry in a little closer to her, before tilting his head to drop a soft kiss to her temple.

Everyone is silent for a second, except for a quiet “wow” from Spence, and Pen turning to Emily and mouthing “she called him _Aaron_ ” at her.

“I think we broke them,” Aaron teases, but JJ is too nervous about their reactions to joke with him.

“Well _I_ think,” Rossi pauses a second, clearly for dramatic effect, before grinning and turning towards Penelope, “that I wanna know what Garcia saw in JJ’s office.”

Turning her face into Aaron’s shoulder, JJ tries to hide her blush from the rest of the team, as they all start asking Pen questions.

“I wasn’t sure at the time, but I’m pretty certain I interrupted a fairly heavy makeout session, because the back of Hotch’s hair was all messed up and JJ’s mouth was all swollen,” Penelope starts, before Emily and Derek start trying to embarrass JJ and Aaron by catcalling at them. Pen just laughs at their antics. “Jeez, calm down, it’s not like I walked in on them having sex.”

And JJ tries really hard not to react to that, but she can feel herself go bright red and Aaron flinches next to her, and she sees the exact second the team realizes what that means. 

“Oh my _god_ , I interrupted you both while you were having _sex_ in the _office_?!” Pen erupts. JJ just covers her face with her hands and says nothing. 

“Wait, when did this happen, Garcia?” Reid suddenly asks, and JJ has a sinking feeling that Reid might be about to make an obvious connection in a moment.

“Er, a few days after Valentine’s I think?”

“So… approximately nine months before Henry was born?” Reid turns to look at JJ as she’s peeking out from behind her fingers, and she suddenly longs for the days when he was too scared to say anything in her presence.

“Oh my god I can’t believe I interrupted you both during the conception of my godchild,” Penelope says, clearly in shock.

“Well, round two, really,” Aaron mutters, apparently having found his sense of humor about the whole situation. JJ just slaps her hand against his leg and glares at him for encouraging them. “Sorry,” he whispers into her hair, “I couldn’t help myself.”

The rest of the team just seems in shock, and it isn’t until Rossi suddenly speaks that everyone looks away from JJ and Aaron. 

“Wait, what’s going to happen about the team? If you two are together now, how’s that going to work?”

“We’ve already disclosed our relationship to Strauss,” Aaron says, before rubbing his hand up and down JJ’s upper arm in support. “A professional conduct review board was convened and is currently deciding what happens next. We have no idea what action they’ll take.”

“Whatever they decide, we’ll deal with it then. We’re not going to worry about it until we know there’s something to worry about,” JJ adds, before sitting up a little straighter. “But enough of that; we’re all going out for a celebratory meal. Go get your things together.”

JJ watches as the team all starts to head out of the door, and she only just hears Derek turn to Rossi and say, “Are we celebrating Henry’s birth, JJ and Hotch getting together, or Hotch finally getting laid after his divorce?” She doesn’t get a chance to respond before both Emily and Penelope smack him upside the head.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asks softly, tilting his head towards her to drop a tender kiss on her lips.

JJ runs a hand gently over their son’s head, watching him for a second before looking up into Aaron’s eyes. “Yeah. Everything’s perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic won Best Fic at the [Summertime Jotch Community Awards 2016](http://jotch.tumblr.com/post/148012878587/summertime-jotch-community-awards-winners) over at Tumblr :)


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